ScreamQueenz: The Horror Podcast

Episode 58: THE WITCH’S TALE – “Graveyard Mansion”

Patrick — Thu, 10 May 2012 21:41:59 +0000

It’s my birthday, so I’m taking the week off….sort of.

I couldn’t leave you high and dry (or low and moist), so enjoy THE WITCH’S TALE to tide you over until next week!

Episode 57: MRS. LUMLEY’S MASKS by R.K. Kombrinck

Patrick — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 21:28:24 +0000

Being that this is Episode 57, I feel it fitting to adhere to the legacy of Heinz Ketchup’s motto of “57 Varieties“. However, I will modify it slightly to say that this episode is “57 Varieties of All Fucked Up!”

This is the long-awaited reading of MRS. LUMLEY’S MASKS, an original short story by NOTLP‘s beloved KELLEY KOMBRINCK. I’ve had a amazing time putting this together for you, and if you think Kelley’s all cute and cuddly…think again. Well, actually he is cute and cuddly, but he’s also All Fucked Up. I believe that would be Variety #39.

And if you’re clamoring for movie dish, I’ve got the preview scoop on John Cusack‘s THE RAVEN.

Feathers will fly.

Then, I can’t wait to introduce you to our Friend from Line (All Fucked Up Variety # 44), whose physical being (and demeanor) is described on the show as similar to each of the following:

She’s a peach!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
R.K.Kombrinck is an artist/author from Cincinnati, OH. He lives in a deeply disturbing Suburban dystopia with his wife and two sons. His interest in the horror genre began early and his urge to scare his friends and family soon developed into writer-ly aspirations. His equal interest in drawing led him into exploring storytelling through sequential art where he could pair his two passions.

As an adult he’s continued to plumb the depths of darkness and monstosity through short stories which have been published in several genre anthologies. He is also a founding member of the popular podcast “Night of the Living Podcast” which he uses as a mouthpiece for disseminating his horror-nerd agenda. He loves iced tea (unsweet) and genuinely believes in Sasquatch.

Click here for his official AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE

Episode 56: SECONDS APART and FRIDAY THE 13th: THE FINAL CHAPTER

Patrick — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 18:07:36 +0000

It’s that most wonderful time of the year!

Well, except if you’re a horny co-ed who stupidly chose to spend spring break at the lakehouse in the woods instead of going boob-shakin’ in Boca Raton, that is.

That’s right! Another Friday the 13th is upon us, which means it’s time for the next installment of my FRIDAY THE 13th SPECTACULAAAARRRR! This, time we’re I’m tackling the fourth entry, FRIDAY THE 13th: THE FINAL CHAPTER. So, come on, Sara. Strip and dip! Give Teddybear a kiss, and find that goddamned corkscrew, because Jason is in da house!

And then, The Crapshoot returns to take on a pair of creepy identical twins with evil powers in the AfterDark HorrorFest release SECONDS APART. Did this bad boys double my pleasure like Doublemint gum, or did they leave me with a bad taste in my mouth? (Get your mind out of the gutter, pig!)

All this and some real side excursions into Krazytown, USA await you, so start streaming already. Gaaad!

Episode 55: THREE SKELETON KEY – Old Time Radio with VINCENT PRICE

Patrick — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 17:32:08 +0000

I’m fighting off the flu and laryngitis, so I’ve had to scrap my original plan for the show. Instead we’re firing up the ol’ WayBack Machine to journey once again to the Golden Age of Radio! This time, we’re meeting VINCENT PRICE to spend the night at a creepy, nearly abandoned lighthouse. The only problem is, there are some other guests on the way. Thousands of them. And they’re hungry.

Really hungry!

This week’s classic chiller is called THREE SKELETON KEY and originally aired on the CBS‘s hit show ESCAPE! on March 17, 1950.

Better stock up on some cheese before you listen to this one!

Also, if you missed me in this year’s BIG GAY SING with the NEW YORK CITY GAY MEN’S CHORUS, fear not! Despite my vocal restrictions, I give an account so detailed ans so stirring that you are actually in danger of getting blinded by imaginary sequins!

ALL HAIL THE GAY AGENDA!!!

Episode 54: LOVE AT FIRST BITE and ATTACK THE BLOCK

Patrick — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 01:40:56 +0000

It’s been a rough week. I’m depressed. I needed to spend some time talking about a silly movie with a dear old friend. Join me and the oh-so-squeezable JAY EMMITT (formerly of the “Obscure 80′s Podcast”) as we dish the dish about Dracula’s disco dance moves in the 1979 comedy LOVE AT FIRST BITE.

But be careful, Jay! I’m going to backdoor you with a FIRING SQUAD for recommending ATTACK THE BLOCK. Did I love it? Or is little Jay going to become a man before your very ears? Either way…you’ll have a real good time, goddammit!

Episode 53: CARRIE! CARRIE! CARRIE!

Patrick — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:13:27 +0000

I don’t care if it’s not prom season yet! This episode is all about CARRIE! CARRIE the book! CARRIE the musical! CARRIE the movie! CARRIE the breakfast cereal!

What? There isn’t a breakfast cereal yet!?!? (note to self…get on that! Should be pork flavored and turn the milk crimson!)

I’m joined by my longtime friend, the nauseatingly talent OWEN ROBERTSON, who proves he’s not actually a figment of my imagination by finally coming on the show to reminisce about the unfortunate young Miss White in all of her many (occasionally ridiculous) incarnations. We also get all serious and shit, pondering why STEPHEN KING‘s first monster has had such a lasting fascination, especially in the gay community.

If you love CARRIE, you’re going to have more fun than giving JOHN TRAVOLTA a big wet talking blowjob in the parking lot! (Well, maybe not that much fun!)

If you don’t love CARRIE, then you eat shit!

Episode 52: STAKE LAND and THE WOMAN IN BLACK

Patrick — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 15:13:42 +0000

Happy Valentine’s Day, Screamers! February is also Women in Horror Month. Instead of another rehash of MY BLOODY VALENTINE, we’re going to take a listen to music by female artists about ghostly women who haunt the seashores! Classy, right?

Movie wise, we’re putting listener Zombart up against the FIRING SQUAD wall for making us all watch STAKE LAND. Did I enjoy it? Or has Bart left his last 9 minute message? Only time will tell!

And then, we’re going to see if we can untwist the panties of that WOMAN IN BLACK, because….grrrl, she has got some issues!

What can be more romantic than that? Well, a LOT of things I suppose, but who asked YOU anyway?!?

Special thanks to the incredibly talented Miss DONYA LANE for use of “Annabel Lee” off her AMERICAN ROYALTY cd.

(Music for “Annabel Lee” composed by GLENN GORDON)

The Magical Music of HOMER MARRS!

Patrick — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 04:58:09 +0000

While sitting down with the incredibly charming HOMER MARRS to record our segment on WARLOCK in Episode 51, I told him I was bound to forget to put links on how to find Homer in the show notes.

Homer promised he would remind me.

I forgot to put links on how to find Homer in the show notes.

Clearly, Homer didn’t remind me.

Clearly, this is all his fault.

Regardless, this is the full video for the main song of his we played on the show, PRAYER FOR JULIAN SANDS

And here he is performing THE VAMPIRE ALPHABET with his partner in crime Natalie Kossar!

…which then segued smoothly into ZOMBIE JAMBOREE.

You can find Homer, Natalie, their delightful comedy songs and also some very naughty sketch comedy too on their YouTube Channel: TurnpikeDown

Remember, he’s working on an EP of his music, so expect major pimpage of that when it drops.

And as if this fuzzy little cubby wasn’t prolific enough, he also writes a humor column appropriately titled MARRS ATTACKS for the Chicago magazine Nightspots.

Episode 51: JULIA’S EYES, GRAVE ENCOUNTERS and WARLOCK

Patrick — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 15:55:29 +0000

My special guest this week is my new “Coolest Person in the Entire World”, the incredibly talented and remarkably woofy HOMER MARRS! He sings, he plays guitar, he writes songs, he does all kinds of comedy, and he smells nice. Mostly he’s hear to share some of his song stylings with us and rap about WARLOCK.

First up, THE CRAPSHOOT returns to let us know if we should watch JULIA’S EYES or just spit in them. Sure, it’s reuniting producer Guillermo Del Toro, director Guillem Morales and THE ORPHANAGE’S star Belén Rueda…but that would makeit even more fun to kick their over-confident culos”

And then Listener Trae has to face the music for recommending that I watch GRAVE ENCOUNTERS. Did he do a Good Thing?….or did he do a Baaaaad Thing? Either way, I’ll probably yell “Fuck you!” at somebody at some point, so you can be assured about that.

And finally, Homer and I chat about WARLOCK, why it was awesome, why it sucked and why it inspired him to right a poignant ballad about its star.

All this and more. God, I could plotz!

Episode 50: THE DEVIL INSIDE, FRIDAY THE 13th PART 3 and THE FAN (1981)

Patrick — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 15:57:10 +0000

It’s a huge milestone here at SCREAMQUEENZ, so I’m celebrating for making an ass out of myself for two hours….again.

In this episode, I tell you all about the riot that almost broke out at a screening of THE DEVIL INSIDE. And it wasn’t because Mister Brad did the old “hole in the bottom of the popcorn box”. Well, not this time anyway.

We had a very unlucky day on the calendar last week, so that means only one thing…It’s time for another installation of the FRIDAY THE 13th SPECTACULARRRR! We’re up to PART THREE in the series, and not only do I reveal what happened when I conned Cousin Susie into taking me on opening night, I also unveil what JASON VOORHEES has in common with ANN B. DAVIS! (Here’s a hint: it’s not meatloaf.)

And finally, I’m joined by my dear friend (and unofficial Fairy Godmother!) SCOTT the SATYR from the SATYRSPHERE, and we’re gonna dish the dish about what happens when horror meets Broadway musical in 1981′s stinko-slasher THE FAN! The scariest thing is that the songs have been stuck in my head for days now.

All this and more when SCREAMQUEENZ shows you that life really does begin at 50! (However, good taste and maturity mercifully still haven’t made an appearance.)

If your in the Carmel, CA area, check out SCOTT the SATYR live on stage in HAIRSPRAY THE MUSICAL at Pacific Repertory Theater from January 26 through February 19! Get your tickets HERE!

The WORST MOVIES of 2011

Patrick — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 04:46:24 +0000

As with my Top Ten Movie List, this titles may are may not have been released in 2011, but that’s when I covered them on the show.

But regardless of when they came out, this much is true. There are all worthy of the SCREAMQUEENZ Giant Pile of Crap”Award.

CHAIN LETTER (2011)

Directed by Dion Taylor
Episode 28

You know you’re in trouble when a slasher movie feels the need to start off with a quote from Neitzsche. Some truly impressive gore effects can not keep CHAIN LETTER from smothering under the weight of its ludicrously unfocused, over-bloated script and this weird sense of arrogant self-importance that seems to hover over the whole movie. Dion seems to think he’s layin’ down some real heavy shit here, but he’s not. He’s sledgehammering his trite “technology is evil!” theme down my throat so hard that I feel like I’m tomorrows plate of foie gras. Dion, I have two words for you: Re! Lax!

SHARK NIGHT 3-D (2011)

Directed by David R. Ellis
Episode 40

SHARK NIGHT had everything going for it. Stupid teenagers + an army of hungry sharks + 3D? This should have been campy matinée gold. Instead, it just seemed like 90 minutes of lost opportunities. Instead of reaching to push the boundaries of the PG-13 rating like the screenwriters seemed to consciously forgo scares, laughs or, you know, sharks and focus on the repercussions of a particularly insipid high school romance, so 90 minutes of potential thrills turns into 90 minutes of stifling yawns. The only saving grace was that SHARK NIGHT 3-D caused me to discover a new subgenre of horror movies: the This One Bitch film, in which dozens of innocent people who have nothing to do with anything die horrible deaths all because of the actions of This One Bitch. Had this movie been keeping me entertained, this would never have happened.

KILL KATIE MALONE (2010)

Directed by Carlos Ramos, Jr
Episode 43

Fuck Katie Malone.

SKULL AND BONES (2007)

Directed by T.S. Slaughter
Episode 33

This story of two gay serial killer-rapists getting revenge on elitist Ivy League a-holes is quite possibly the most obnoxious piece of celluloid I have ever endured. I see other reviews comparing it the works of John Waters and H.G. Lewis, but I guess I missed the joke. All I got was an ugly, mean-spirited, ineptly made piece of crap that seemed to be going out of its way to try to offend me, but instead just left me with a migraine.

THE PASSING (2011)

Directed by John Harwood
Episode 40

This best thing about THE PASSING is PAUL GLEASON, the great curmudgeonly character actor best known as Principal Vernon in THE BREAKFAST CLUB. The bad thing is Mr. Gleason passed away in 2006, which means your “new movie” is less than fresh. The promising “House on Haunted Hill”-style main plot of three obnoxious rich kids must spent the weekend in creepy old mansion in order to collect an inheritance quickly fizzles down to being just plain obnoxious. A cast of thoroughly forgettable and irritating characters, shoddy special effects and a meandering script that drags on endlessly make THE PASSING rather like the passing of black stool. It smells bad, it hurts to get through and it feels like it’s never going to end.

DON’T LOOK UP (2009)

Directed by Fruit Chan
Episode 24

Forget looking up….just DON’T! Another American J-Horror remake of…something…that is virtually incomprehensible. A film crew doing a remake of a “doomed” silent film are attacked by evil spirits and lots and lots of terrible CGI flies. Despite the advertising, Eli Roth is in the film for less than five minutes before the opening credits. Instead, we gets lots of shots of the attractive yet wooden and thoroughly unlikable leading man standing open-mouthed amid swarms of aforementioned terrible CGI flies, causing me to recall the scoldings of Sister Ruth Ann in second grade shouting, “Close your mouth, before you start catching flies!!”

LETHAL OBSESSION (2010)

Directed by Jason Hignit & Chris Jay
Episode 47

Someone is killing off the girls who take it off live on webcam for a sexual fantasy site. Who knew that you a movie about sex workers could be this boring? And unsexy! Not even cheering for the inimitable Marv Blauvelt could add life to this turkey. Things aren’t helped by bargain basement sets and continuity errors that are more entertaining than the movie itself. The LIFETIME MOVIE NETWORK-worthy title doesn’t help things much either.

DREAM HOUSE (2011)

Directed by Jim Sheridan
Episode 42

It’s never a good sign when your all-star cast flatly refuses to do any promotions for your film whatsoever. DREAM HOUSE suffers from the one thing you simply cannot ever be in the horror movie industry. Dull. Painfully dull. Stars Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz do their best to breathe life into this plodding, predictable mess of a movie, though the advertising company didn’t do DREAM HOUSE any favors by revealing the “Big Twist” in the trailer.

CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2 (2011)

Directed by Robert Hall
Not Officially Reviwed

Yeah, I know I didn’t review this on the show, but it was so awful, I feel compelled to warn everyone off. This is the way to take a pretty decent film and suck all the life out of it when trying to make it a franchise. A fairly simple slasher story with a unique twist and terrific gore effects has now mutated into a big bloated mess. Chromeskull, a potentially great iconic character, is now the leader of a massive underground shadowy corporation that kills girls for sport?? Or something?? Somehow co-producer and former “90210” star Brian Austin Green is now the center of the action, not Chromeskull who is convalescent most of the time. Almost all of the kills belong to B.A.G. and not the damn title character who doesn’t bother to show up until the last reel. On top of this, the gory kills have an really unpleasant misogynistic vibe. Almost all of the victims are women whose boobs pop out while they are being gruesomely gutted so we can watch them bounce frantically while the girls struggle to cling to life before invariably being stabbed in the mouth. In short…ick!

AMERICAN HORROR STORY (2011)

Directed by Ryan Murphy & Brad Falchuk
Bitched About All Season Long

I know it’s not a movie, but this erratic hyperactive logic-free and downright pompous piece of trash wasted a hell of a lot more of my life than a 90-minute direct to DVD stinker. Sure, we were baited in with tantalizing teases of graphic violence, kinky violent sex and five shots of Dylan McDermott‘s naked hiney in the first episode alone! But in the end, we got a lot of regurgitated claptrap composed mostly of scenes, music and entire plot lines directly stolen from other film sources. Instead of something truly original, we got something plagiarized and repackaged in a blindly flashy package. Although, now that I think of it…what’s more “American” than that?

Episode 49: TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD at 42nd Street Drive-In!

Patrick — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 18:40:23 +0000

Happy New Year, Screamerz! This week, I’m sitting down with Chris & Shawn from the 42nd Street Drive-In podcast to dish the dish on the 1972 Spanish classic, TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD!

Even though we don’t get into it on the show, this movie actually scared the livin’ crud out of me when I saw it on WPIX-Channel 11′s CHILLER THEATER when I was a tiny waif. Technically, this should be a beast from the NIGHTMARE CLOSET, but nothing’s scarier than Brad’s imitation of these undead Templar nasties.

Especially when he does it nekkid. Yoinks!

Plus, BETTE & DERWOOD, everyone’s favorite brown-nosers call in with reviews of THE SHRINE and DREAM HOME, and then reveal that they’re not the straight-A students they pretend to be. I feel a spanking coming on!

And finally, the GREEN GOBLIN/TIMES SQUARE TAKEOVER gets shredded, AMERICAN HORROR STORY gets schooled, THE WALKING DEAD get reamed and then….a listener is going to get publicly and merciless thrashed on this episode.

Is it YOU???

*ominous thunderclap, howling wolf, maniacal laughter, silent queef*

My TOP TEN BEST MOVIE PICKS for 2011

Patrick — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 19:28:01 +0000

Normally, I hate this end of year lists, but I have too much free time on my hands and the desire to get my ass kicked by someone I accidentally left out.

Keep in mind, some of these movies may have come out before 2011, but I’m basing my choices on movies that I covered on the show this year regardless of when they were actually released. My show, my rules…smell my power!

The movies are in no particular order. It was difficult enough to pick the ten I did. I think my brain would implode trying to rank them even further.

Of course, any associated with the selected films wins an Official SCREAMQUEENZ Tiara! ***

***You will NEVER get the tiara. No one EVER gets the tiara. All the tiaras are mine. Now. Forever. Amen.

In no particular order, my TOP TEN PICKS for 2011!

ABSENTIA (2011)

Directed by Mike Flanagan

Episode 30

This somber yet deeply unsettling film managed to give me the willies even in the less-than-ideal Horrorhound Weekend screening.

Not soon after a pregnant woman (Katie Parker) declares her missing husband (Morgan Peter Brown) legally dead, she begins to having terrifying visions that hint that maybe she spoke too quickly. Writer/director Flanagan pulls off an incredible feat with this film. He manages to reinvent the ghost story, then takes it to an unexpected, even creepier place.

Don’t be fooled by the show-burn pacing, because the almost-suffocating tension had me squirming in my seat, forgetting to breathe. (Don’t believe me. Just ask Zombart. He sat next to me. He took pictures. Bitch.)

It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen ABSENTIA. What haunts me most is not the disturbing visuals or even the deeply unsettling story line. It’s the mood. When I simply think about the title, I hear in my head its stark, two-note funeral organ score and my chest wells up with emotions not usually incurred by watching a horror movie: grief, loss and perhaps the most terrifying of all…the dread of inevitability.

Toss in a pitch perfect cast, including a heart-wrenching cameo from the always delicious Doug Jones, and BOOM! You’ve got my favorite movie of 2011.

I’ve been seeing it pop up on various Pay-Per View cable channels, so hopefully a DVD-release is imminent.

UNDOCUMENTED (2010)

Directed by Chris Peckover

Episode 43

Picked randomly from the Pay-Per-View menu, UNDOCUMENTED is my surprise find of the year. I hesitate to call it my pleasant surprise, because while the discovery of a true horror gem flying under the radar can really warm my cockles, once the action here gets rollin’, I was feeling more cold chills than warm fuzzies.

A group of young filmmakers in the process of making a documentary about illegal immigration across the Mexican border are apprehended by what we (and they) think are the police. In the trailer, we are told by an off-screen tormentor, “Whatever you think this is…it’s far worse.” Unfortunately, for our young heroes…he’s not lying.”

What starts off as a fairly routine shot-on-video, found footage movie quickly turns into a visceral and all-too-believable nightmare of American patriotism run amok. Our heroes and the immigrants they were following have been captured by a group of extreme nationalists who are looking to save our country by cleansing of the scourge that’s ruining it. In other words, undocumented Mexicans sneaking over the border.

What really drove this home for me was how possible every horrific image or idea you’re subjected is. As a country, we seem to have lost our minds on this subject. The inhuman acts going on right now in Arizona are not that far off from what’s happening at the abandoned slaughterhouse in the movie. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if something like is actually was going on…right now. Our villains here are not raving madmen. On the contrary, they are well spoken….charming, even…guys you’d probably love to have a beer with sometime in other circumstances. These men spill poison from their mouths, calmly. Rationally. Indeed, there might be a nugget of truth to it; a truth twisted into something hideous, but truth nonetheless. And part of me started to believe it. Just a little….teeny….tiny…bit.

Therein lies the horror.

There are some unforgettable performances in here that deserve to be noted. Peter Stormare as “Z” the leader of the Patriots is an consummate boogeyman. Despite the fact his face is covered with an eyeless black mask the whole time, you can still feel his gaze boring deep into you when he speaks. The effect is bone-chilling. Also I have to mention the always creepy-to-perfection Noah Segan, as one of Z’s flunkies that you’re just itching to kick in the ‘nards. Noah is always one of those actors who pops in movies up unexpectedly for me, and whenever he does, I know I’m in for a good time. His track record with his movies reviewed here on ScreamQueenz is impeccable. From scoring big points in Peaches Christ‘s criminally underseen ALL ABOUT EVIL and the deliciously kinky SOMEONE’S KNOCKING AT THE DOOR to being the only watchable thing in CHAIN LETTER, perhaps someday Noah will be the first male to win the SCREAMQUEENZ LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD! (Still no tiara, Noah…never gonna happen.)

According to rumor, a DVD release should happen within the next couple of months!

DREAM HOME (2010) [aka "Wai dor lei ah yut ho"]

Directed by Ho-Cheung Pang

Episode 32

This brutal Chinese import is NOT to be confused with the dreadful Daniel Craig snoozer DREAM HOUSE. This grueling shocker about Hong Kong real estate (?!?) not only raised the stakes on over-the-top practical gore effects, but showed how even much more affecting gore can be when coupled with an emotionally charged story line. Josie Ho’s performance as one of the most gruesome movie monsters of recent date is magnified by how much we actually care and about this woman and kinda-sorta understand the savage lengths to which she’s driven.

WAKE WOOD (2011)

Directed by David Keating

Episode 37

The new incarnation of the Hammer House of Horror discovers the third time’s the charm with this eerie tale of ancient Irish magics in the deep dark woods. When a movie introduces an adorable, non-obnoxious six-year old girl and has a vicious dog tear her to pieces before the opening credits have finished rolling, you have established to me that as a storyteller…you got balls.

WAKE WOOD borrows elements from such classic tales as PET SEMETARY, THE OMEN, THE EXORCIST and even THE WICKER MAN  and manages to use those elements to tell us something brand new and as heart-wrenching as it is horrific.

INSIDIOUS (2011)

Directed by James Wan

Episode 28

A big screen Hollywood release gets it right!! This has been talked to death on enough other shows, so I”m cutting this short. Even though in my opinion things fell apart just a tad in the final reel, there were more than enough gut-shuddering moments throughout the rest of the movie to make up for it. You had me at “Tiptoe Through the Tulips”…stroke of genius!…It gave me bigger goosebumps than I’d had at the movies in ages. But then when you throw in the always delightful Lin Shaye in a gas mask…What can I say? I was in love!

D4 (2010)

Directed by Darrin Dickerson

Episode 48

Low budget filmmakers, sit up and take notice! THIS is how you maximize a minimal budget and put out a product that looks like a million bucks.

D4 tells the story of hired mercenaries on a simple search-and-rescue mission in the woods that goes quite askew when they are beset up on by a very big, very angry monster of a man, a product of science run amok. On the surface, this appears to be a fairly straightforward tale. However, the filmmakers’ choice to tell the story non-sequentially adds layers of ever-deepening mystery and nail-biting suspense to the proceedings. Just how deep does this conspiracy go? Well, let’s just say, just when I thought I had it all figured out, I was wrong.

Very wrong.

Dickerson manages to elevate D4 miles above its microbudget with excellent camera work, a talented ensemble cast, and pulse-pounding action helped out by tight fight choreography and stunts (believe me, I’m a stickler.)

I hope D4 gets the attention that it deserves, because the love and care and attention to detail that was put into it really shine, and it should be held up as a model for other low-budget moviemakers to aspire to.

I have spoken.

CHILLERAMA (2011)

Directed by Adam Green, Joe Lynch, Adam Rifkin and Tim Sullivan

Episode 47

I hear a lot of folks are hating this at home, but seeing it at HORRORHOUND WEEKEND with a rowdy Saturday night crowd (not to mention super-cutie Brian Kirst, the Big Gay Horror Fan!) was a perfect storm of movie-going. What’s not to love? Lin Shaye getting eaten by a giant sperm! Musical gay werebears doing the Watusi! Lin Shaye again as Maria Ouspenskaya! Joel David Moore as Hitler! Kane Hodder‘s left nipple! Anne Frank jokes! Flying feces! Socket-rapin’ sex zombies! Seriously, what’s not to love?!?

If you didn’t like it….well, it’s girls like YOU who give summer fun a bad name! Harrumph….

EASTER BUNNY, KILL! KILL! (2006)

Directed by Chad Ferrin

Episode 31

What can I say? I loved this movie from start to finish. Congratulations for rising above such a ridiculous title and giving me a movie that I seriously did not know what to expect from frame to frame. Delectably sleazy, darkly hilarious and perversely unsettling, and ultimately…a shit load of fun. Plus, it gave Mister Brad the “Hookers and Cocaine” song which has cursed our home every since. Yeah, thanks for that.

THE REEF (2010)

Directed by Andrew Trauki

Episode 40

For making me believe that sharks could be scary again. (And after sitting through SHARK NIGHT 3D, that’s no mean feat!)

A small cast of characters I genuinely liked and a simple story of survival add up to an incredibly suspenseful thriller that’s more than the sum of it parts. Or should I say, more than the chum of its parts! Ha! I’m hilarious.

PUPPET MONSTER MASSACRE (2010)

Directed by Dustin Mills

Episode 36

For making me believe that a penguin can do Tae Kwan Do.

This loving spoof/tribute to 80′s style horror (done entirely with hand puppets, obviously) is brimming with charm, creativity and bunny farts, and really who could ask for anything more!

Episode 48: THE SHRINE and D4

Patrick — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:19:28 +0000

This week, SCREAMQUEENZ celebrates the holidays the traditional way…with human sacrifice, crazed genetic mutations and potty mouth!

The Crapshoot returns to take a peek at what’s inside THE SHRINE. Will I live long enough to regret it tasting forbidden fruit, or will I just regret watching the damn movie?

And then, our main feature is another flick from HORRORHOUND WEEKEND called D4, which tells the beloved Yuletide tale of gruff mercenaries getting eviscerated by a musclebound monster in a forbidden forest. Just imagine The Grinch not saving Christmas, but clobbering Cindy Lou Who to a syrupy pulp with that tree he lugged down the chimney (which is the ending we all wanted anyway, right?)

So, jingle your balls, egg your nog, and stroke your Yulelog…It’s Christmas at ScreamQueenz HeadQuarters!

Get your copy of D4 for just $10 at www.GHOSTWATER.com!

Episode 47: HORRORHOUND WEEKEND Cincinnati

Patrick — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 03:43:25 +0000

Episode 47:

It’s time, Screamerz, for me to try to tackle at least some of the excitement and debauchery that beset the quiet suburb of Sharonville the weekend of November 17.
And what fun would it be to do it alone! I’ll be joined by two very special guests: both world famous author ROBERT R. BEST and BRIAN from BIG GAY HORROR FAN will be joining me to try to piece together the gaping booze-induced holes in my memory.

And my underwear.

We’ll be dishing the dish on the backwoods slasher DOWN THE ROAD. lighting the fuse on the explosive Argentinian flick COLD SWEAT, and putting on our big boy pants to tackle all the potty humor unleashed in CHILLERAMA!

Make yourself extra comfy, because this is one long mofo of a show.

Episode 46: SORRY, WRONG NUMBER

Patrick — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 23:30:22 +0000

Episode 46:

Happy Thanksgiving, Screamers!

In addition to this being the nationwide celebration of genocide, smallpox and syphillis, it’s also anniversary time for Brad and I.

So, while we enjoy our stuffing….(pause, pause)… enjoy this trip back to the golden age of radio as gay icon AGNES MOOREHEAD gets something worse than an unwarranted booty call in SORRY, WRONG NUMBER!

We’ll be back with Horrorhound Weekend coverage next week, so have a safe holiday everyone, and just for me, scare the crap out of someone at the dinner table.

Tell ‘em I told ya to!

Episode 45: STEAMPUNK HAUNTED HOUSE and LISTENER HAUNTS

Patrick — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 18:49:19 +0000

Episode 45:

This week, we finally get to take a look inside the bizarre goings-on at the STEAMPUNK HAUNTED HOUSE and their twisted spin on “Through the Looking Glass”. Find out who did what to get us barred from Bulgarian nightclubs for life! And finally, clutch your pearls with fear when listeners call in with some of their favorite stories about local haunts.

And you thought Halloween was over! My Grandmama woulda slapped you square in the face, you so stupid.

www.SteampunkHauntedHouse.com
www.AllHallowsRevenge.com
www.TheBatesMotel.com
www.NightOfTerror.com
Horseman’s Hollow
The 13th Gate – Baton Rouge, LA

Episode 44: HALLOWEEN HAUNT-A-LICIOUSNESS

Patrick — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 19:40:05 +0000

Episode 44:

A Happy Halloween to all you Screamerz! And to celebrate this momentous holiday, we’re taking a look at two of the most notorious New York City haunted house attractions! First, Mister Brad and special guest JENNIFER ELLIOTT join me for a visit to NIGHTMARE: FAIRY TALES. Even The Brothers Grimm weren’t this freaky! And what’s going on with THE EXPERIMENT being conducted upstairs from the house?? And the, I sit down with SCOTT THE SATYR from the SATYRSPHERE Podcast, and I shock him with the kinky thrills looming in the depths of the BLACKOUT HAUNTED HOUSE, and then talk about some of his favorite haunts.

So, gather up your candy, check your buttplugs for razor blades and enjoy the Haunted House Hysteria!

DRAMAQUEENZ: Episode 1 – Special Guest Star ALENA ACKER

Patrick — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 14:34:19 +0000

In this very special inaugural (ie. test) episode of “DRAMAQUEENZ: The Podcast Where THEATER Gets Bent!“, I am joined by the very lovely and talented ALENA ACKER! Alena plays my wife Bridget Burke in LiveInTheater‘s production of THE RYAN CASE 1873. Plus, she stars in and helped create the award-winning comedy web series MOTHER EVE’S SECRET GARDEN!

I am honored and truly delighted that she stopped by ScreamQueenz Headquarters (SQHQ) to discuss Punchdrunk Theater company’s SLEEP NO MORE.

Now, I know you loyal Screamerz have already heard Mister Brad and I dish the dirt on SLEEP NO MORE, but Alena brings a certain grace and poise (and sobriety) to the conversation that may have been lacking when we squawked through it several months ago.

Also, I was lucky enough to have Elena to allow me to share with you some of the hilarious music from the show she did at the Midtown International Theater Festival this past summer, MOTHER EVE’S SECRET GARDEN OF SENSUAL SISTERHOOD. Even though the show’s closed, the company just recorded a cast album, and I think you’ll get a huge kick out it.

“But, Patrick”, you say. “Why are you covered a show that’s not running anymore?

Very simple.
A) It’s still a successful and hilarious web series that you should be checking out.
B) Cuz my pussy told me so. My pussy told me so.

For more information about SLEEP NO MORE, visit www.SleepNoMoreNYC

Check out more of ALENA and MOTHER EVE at www.MotherEves.com

SCREAMQUEENZ GOES WEST: Episode 2 – “C*nt Face and Mennonites”

Patrick — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 13:58:38 +0000

In this episode, which maniac’s birthplace does Patrick foolishly desecrate?
What family member does he unabashedly (and unwisely) diss on camera?
And Mister Brad needs to know…”How many Mennonites DOES it take to screw in a light bulb? ”

All this and more on SCREAMQUEENZ GOES WEST: Episode 2!

Patrick & Mister Brad from the SCREAMQUEENZ Horror Podcast take their epic road trip from New York City to South Bend, Indiana for a nephew’s wedding.
Hilarity and breathtaking cliffhangers ensue!

SCREAMQUEENZ GOES WEST: Episode 1 – “Hillbilly Heaven”

Patrick — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 17:06:29 +0000

Last month I promised you a video episode of Brad and me, travelling to the Midwest for my nephew’s wedding.

Since I’ve been having endless problems trying to fix the sound problems with the road trip video to Indiana I promise, I’ve decided to just
start putting it out one piece at a time on YouTube…like a serial. Like…”Cliffhangers!”

Here’s Part 1 for you to enjoy.

Try not to splashed with urine while you do.

BLACKOUT HAUNTED HOUSE Teaser

Patrick — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 16:57:05 +0000

I visited the infamous BLACKOUT HAUNTED HOUSE from the Vortex Theater Company last week, camera in tow, hoping to get some interviews
with people as they came out to share their experience with the kinky horrors that lie within.

Unfortunately, the weather (and Mister Brad’s stomach) did not comply, but I figured I’d share what I got to get your saliva flowing for
my full coverage of this truly intense and creepy-ass house on the upcoming Halloween episode!

More info on the Blackout Haunted House at www.BlackoutNYC.com

Episode 43: RED STATE, UNDOCUMENTED and KILL KATIE MALONE

Patrick — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 20:34:45 +0000

Episode 43:

This week, we take a look at the horrors of the “real Amerkka” with Kevin Smith’s evangelical nightmare RED STATE and Chris Peckover’s twisted tale of patriotism run amok, UNDOCUMENTED. And grab your safety goggles & splatter guards cuz The Crapshoot is back, finding out whether it’s worth it to KILL KATIE MALONE. And if this show wasn’t already overflowing with content, I give a quickie rave over Pedro Almodovor’s erotic slice of weirdness, THE SKIN I LIVE IN.

Plus I have a run in with Santa’s lesser known Stinky Gay Panty Crack Elf….Don’t ask. It’s better you don’t know.

Special Post that Describes Vote

Patrick — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 04:07:06 +0000

VOTING IS NOW OPEN! This is for the win, kids. Follow the link and vote for SCREAMQUEENZ for Best GLBT Podcast.

Vote once a day everyday. Do NOT vote more than once a day…both votes get scrapped.

Check your email & verify your vote.

Lather, rinse, repeat…and POOF! You’re fabulous!
(Who am I kidding? You’re already fabulous. You’ll be…FABULOUSER!!!)

Voting resets at midnight EST.

Voting closes October 27th at 11:30pm Eastern Standard Time.

It takes less than a minute. One minute a day for two weeks is 14 minutes. That’s shorter than a Zombart phone call!

Click here to head over to the People’s Choice Podcast Awards.

The Voting Booths are NOW OPEN!!

Patrick — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 10:52:29 +0000

VOTING IS NOW OPEN! This is for the win, kids. Follow the link and vote for SCREAMQUEENZ for Best GLBT Podcast.

Vote once a day everyday. Do NOT vote more than once a day…both votes get scrapped.

Check your email & verify your vote.

Lather, rinse, repeat…and POOF! You’re fabulous!
(Who am I kidding? You’re already fabulous. You’ll be…FABULOUSER!!!)

Voting resets at midnight EST.

Voting closes October 27th at 11:30pm Eastern Standard Time.

It takes less than a minute. One minute a day for two weeks is 14 minutes. That’s shorter than a Zombart phone call!

Click here to head over to the People’s Choice Podcast Awards.

SCREAMQUEENZ Nabs the Nom!!!

Patrick — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 16:51:27 +0000

Thanks to all of you who turned out to vote, SCREAMQUEENZ has been nominated for the People’s Choice Podcast Awards in the category of Best GBLT Podcast for the SECOND YEAR in a row!!

I am both delighted and honored, but also incredibly grateful. After such a horrible year full of tragedy and suffering, this seems like a really bright light at the end of a really sucko tunnel.

Again, thank you so much for your support, and I hope I can count on you in November when the vote for the win begins!!

Episode 42: DREAM HOUSE, DREAM HOME and FRATERNITY MASSACRE

Patrick — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 01:23:41 +0000

Episode 42:

Let’s face it. The real estate market is a bitch, so we’re going to be take a look at 2 movies that illustrate how nasty this business can be. First off, Mister Brad and I check into the DREAM HOUSE…and dream is the operative word, because good luck staying awake. And then, The Crapshoot sets its sites on FRATERNITY MASSACRE AT HELL ISLAND, or “Gay College Boys Vs. Killer Clown”. And finally, I talk about the sheer audacity of the Hong Kong release DREAM HOME and learn some really exciting new uses for SpaceBags!

Episode 41: BLACK BELLY OF THE TARANTULA

Patrick — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 21:25:06 +0000

Episode 41:

Ciao bello, Screamerz! This week, all roads do lead to Rome as we take a look at the 1971 giallo classic BLACK BELLY OF THE TARANTULA! I’m joined by Chris and Shawn from the 42nd Street Drive In…actually, I’m joining them, because due to the recent family tragedy at this end, I’m rebroadcasting an excerpt of their show from earlier this year. But it’s a good one, and I think you’ll get a kick out of it.

However, I still dish out some brand new CHATTER, address the PORTAL TO HELL in my ceiling and point the finger at a CHICKEN STEALING BITCH. Plus, there’s a fresh crop of voicemails from you…what’s not to love!

SHUT UP! Don’t answer that!!!…Cheeky bitch.

HURRICANE IRENE QUICKIES: Poster Art & Trailers

Patrick — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 22:04:27 +0000

Episode 40: SHARK NIGHT 3D and HURRICANE QUICKIES

Patrick — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 22:03:32 +0000

Episode 40:

It’s Episode 40, and what better way to celebrate the end of summer than to watch a bunch of stupid-ass college kids get their ass tore up by manhungry sea predators!! Well, that’s just what I did when I checked out SHARK NIGHT 3D, and I can’t wait to share my thoughts about it with you, old chum!

(Get it? Chum!…I’m hilarious!)

And then, hold on to your hats, because there’s a Category 5 CrapStorm heading your way, when Hurricane Irene leaves me homebound with nothing to do but watch scary movies. I’ve got seven…count ‘em, SEVEN!! lightning-fast QUICKIE REVIEWS.

So, get your ass down in the bunker, Miss Thing, because this show is gonna blow your weave right off!

Episode 39: TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS and SATAN’S CHEERLEADERS

Patrick — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 22:36:40 +0000

Episode 39:

Take a trip back to the sleazy funkalicious days of the 1970′s as we take a look at two vintage chillers from the decade of Pet Rocks, Mood Rings and Speedballs!
First, we’re off to the funny farm for the British anthology TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS. You’ll think twice before you prune that pesky bush of yours ever again. And then, we’re shaking our hoo-ha’s with SATAN’S CHEERLEADERS, a movie that defies description. Think ROSEMARY’S BABY with a water balloon fight, and you’ll…not even be close.

So get on board! The Groovy Train is about to pull out…but just don’t get your Free Bird caught in your Gadda-Da-Vida!!

This Week’s Quickie Trailers!

Zombart’s Calls about Piracy

Patrick — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 18:00:19 +0000

I know, I know…I got so overexcited about getting a show out to you that I played Zombart’s first call twice. He did finish the call, and I promised to post the whole thing here on the site. So, here you go. It is an important topic, and I don’t want any of my kidlets out there getting in trouble with Da Man. If you’ve have been downloading torrents and such, please take a listen to this and think twice before you do it again.

Because you can’t make the world a creepier place if you’re in PRISON.

Click & listen to THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ZOMBART.

Episode 38: MURDER CASTLE and FEEDBACK FRENZY

Patrick — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 16:29:49 +0000

Episode 38:

This week, let’s take a trip back to the Golden Age of Radio when THE NIGHTMARE CLOSET unleashes a classic episode of LIGHTS OUT that dares you to spend the night in MURDER CASTLE. I’ve got a quicky review of BUDDY BOY, a surreal look into the world of paranoid schizophrenia that had me squealing like a baby mongoose. Plus, another quickie with BLACK DEATH: a great movie about the worst trip to the Renaissance Fair…ever. And finally, I turn the show over to you, because I got voicemails coming out my bahinkies, so buckle in, kids. The chauffeur’s actually an escaped convict!

“Attack of the Homophobic Oranges” – An Actual Movie. Seriously.

Patrick — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 15:41:39 +0000

Here’s the trailer for a short film from Spain in which the Pope genetically engineers a horde of mutant killer oranges to decimate the world’s gay population. The trailer looks funny enough to make me wish I understood Spanish better. Oh, just watch it already!

Teeny Bopper Rock or FINAL DESTINATION 5 Teaser???

Patrick — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 16:55:57 +0000

Hey, Screamers. I got tipped off to this by super-famous Hollywood producer/screenwriter SEAN ABLEY. New Romance is a music video starring the cast of the upcoming FINAL DESTINATION 5 promoting the new movie, but it’s also a SAVED BY THE BELL spoof… with a grisly body count! And it’s a catchy damn song!

The singer is MILES FISHER who not only start in the upcoming FD6, but has done some pretty fantastic horror-inspired music videos before. Also check out his cover of THE TALKING HEADS’ This Must Be the Place, which is a fantastically done tribute to AMERICAN PSYCHO.

Now, if only the cast of GLEE would take an axe to somebody, I might be able to finally get on board.

By the way, you can download both of these songs for FREE at www.MilesFisher.com. Enjoy!

Chris’ FLESH EATING MOTHERS Review

Patrick — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 22:30:46 +0000

Even though he was a total tool and tried to hijack my own show from under my firm but pliant fanny, I’m going to be a sport and post Chris’ review in its entirety for those of you masochistic enough to want to listen. L’Chaim.

FLESH EATING MOTHERS Review – Chris – 42nd Street Drive-In

Episode 37: FLESH EATING MOTHERS and WAKE WOOD

Patrick — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 20:35:44 +0000

Episode 37:

In this episode, I take the advice of Joe from Cincy and sit down for brunch with a horde of FLESH EATING MOTHERS. Will I survive long enough to finish my mimosa? And then, it’s off to rural Ireland where ancient magics can bring your loved ones back from the dead, but might also make the life expectancy rate plummet rapidly for the residents of the eerily quaint town of WAKE WOOD.

All this and more await you in this anniversary episode of SCREAMQUEENZ!

Photos: Punchdrunk’s SLEEP NO MORE

Patrick — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 20:40:19 +0000

Do yourself a favor. Click to enlarge these photos. They are all haunting, striking, beautiful and eerie.

DO IT NOW, GODDAMMIT!

Tickets available at www.SleepNoMoreNYC.com

Episode 36: SLEEP NO MORE and PUPPET MONSTER MASSACRE

Patrick — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 20:24:37 +0000

Episode 36:

From the surreal to the sublime; from high art to low brow; from Shakespeare to puppet tits.

This episode, join Mister Brad and I take a trip through a haunted 1930′s hotel when we check out Punchdrunk theater company’s sensual, hallucinatory, blood-soaked Shakespearean waking nightmare experience, SLEEP NO MORE. Then, we get to listen to an original song by a fellow NYCGMC member, TYLER HAYGOOD. He wants to know, “Can you HANDLE MY SCANDAL?” And finally…take a trip back to the 1980′s when the clothes were neon, the music was new wave and the teenagers were….made out of felt. That’s right, find out the scoop on THE PUPPET MONSTER MASSACRE!

To read the various articles sent in by Jenny regarding the outrage over TICKED OFF TRANNYS WITH KNIVES, click here!

Sneak Peek: First 5 minutes of PUPPET MONSTER MASSACRE

Patrick — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 03:26:47 +0000

Since I’ll be reviewing this on Episode 36, I thought you all deserve a taste of what you’re in for.

Enjoy.

Fear the penguin.

Guest spot: TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD on 42nd STREET DRIVE-IN!

Patrick — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 17:31:15 +0000

Celebrate Independence Day the old-fashioned way…by spending the day with a gaggle of undead Templar Knights who have no eyes and a bone to pick.
The 42nd Street Drive-in Podcast did an extra long episode discussing all four of the popular Spanish BLIND DEAD series.
I sat down to talk with Shawn & Chris to chat about the first film, TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD, and occasionally Chris even lets me finish a sentence.
See, he’s got this Rainman-esque fascination with the slow-motion horses featured throughout the series, and feels the needs to bring them up every 30 seconds, flipping back and forth between loving them and hating them like the bipolar cuntface he really is. (Love ya, Chris!)

Check it out before Betsy Ross stitches yo’ shit up!

42nd Street Drive-In, Episode 10: BLIND DEAD BOOGIE

Midnight Among the Dead: THE SPOON RIVER PROJECT

Patrick — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 02:09:12 +0000

THE SPOON RIVER PROJECT

Greenwood Cemetery, Brooklyn

You may or may not be familiar with “The Spoon River Anthology” by Edgar Lee Masters. It’s a collection of short free-form poems, each of them an epitaph for a deceased resident of Spoon River, Illinois. What makes them remarkable is the epitaphs are delivered by the spirits of the dead themselves. Usually no more a page or two, it’s as if each phantom resident was granted a minute or two to pass along their life lesson; their dreams, their loves, their losses, their regrets. These “ghost stories” overlap and intertwine, and what emerges is a rather scandalous picture of life in Spoon River. It is both heaven and hell; its idyllic beauty and peaceful aura are also home to the claustrophobic and often cruel nature of life in a very small town. Every story of lifelong love and joyous piety is countered with an equally powerful tale of murder, rape, and idle gossip turned deadly.

In short, it’s an actor’s wet dream.

Though not a play, I was introduced it by my instructor at the William Esper Studio. It’s a goldmine of wonderful material for emotionally charged material for monologue work and character study.

Over time it’s been adapted into many stage versions, both musical and non, the latest of which was being performed in the historic Greenwood Cemetery in Brooklyn.

At midnight.

I was sold.

So, I weaseled Mister Brad into tromping off into the outer boroughs in the dead of night. I knew this wasn’t going to be a “horror” piece. Yeah, they’re all ghost stories, but not THOSE kind of ghost stories. We were fortunate to be joined by Sandra (our very 1st ScreamQueen of the Week!) and her hubby Matthew.

Also included in the ticket price was a tour of the newly opened catacombs, so we boarded the trolley (this cemetery is HUGE!), flashlights in hand and the spirit of adventure in our hearts.

Exploring the catacombs was quite exciting, particularly the tomb with one of the marble slabs broken away! The 10-minute stroll among the moonlight headstones was peaceful and introspective, complimented by the spot-on perfect weather that we were blessed with that night.

The show was perfectly respectable. I knew that by it’s very nature, it wasn’t going to be chock full of thrills. I figured it was going to be a serene and occasionally heartbreaking experience, which it absolutely was. Watching the actors emerging one-by-one through the rustling trees and over the grave-covered hills, carrying dim lanterns and singing traditional folksy hyms accompanied by live fiddle and organ music was genuinely breathtaking; eerie, yet warm and welcoming as well. The acting was perfectly fine; though the women overall were rather superior to most of the male actors. It was a lovely evening with good friends in an oddly magical spot under a perfect summer sky. My only beef was that for a midnight show (that started 30 minutes late), it was a bit overlong with too much music. The homey hymns were charming, but when it’s getting on 1:30 in the morning, they started to morph into lullabies.

Look out….now I’m going to get bitchy.

Unfortunately, the predominant memory I took away from all of this is of the actor who ruined our evening by crassly yelling at us in what can only be described as a “diva fit”.

As I said earlier, we had to be transported to and from the “stage” by a trolley. Just one trolley. This wasn’t a problem coming in since the tour of the catacombs had broken up the speed in which the audience was arriving. However, everyone trying to leave at once overloaded the trolley system, so it had to make several return trips…a 10-minute wait each time.

Brad smoothly ditched the rest of us, snagging the three millimeters of standing room on the second trolley, leaving Matthew, Sandra and I to fend for ourselves. Now keep in mind, it getting on towards 2am by this point . we, along with everyone else, were happily conversing on the side of the trail waiting for the tram to come back…until I heard a commotion coming from the staging area. One of the actors, Tom Mahon was waving his arms yelling at someone to “shut the hell up!” .

I start looking around to see who he was yelling at when I realized with horror it was us! If it had ended there, I might not be as miffed, but alas it did not. Tom Mahon continued ranting that they were “trying to do something down here, and we can’t do unless you stop being so damned rude and let us work. Now, for god’s sake, SHUT UP!!”

Since we were now all shamed into inexplicable silence waiting the now interminable 10 minutes for the trolley to come back, I had lots of awkward silence time to try to figure out what had just happened. Now, the best I could muster, they seemed to be trying to get portions of the show on videotape.

However, Mister Tom Mahon, you might have considered this before you made an ass of yourself.

I appreciate that it was 2am, and you and the crew were trying to get something accomplished so you, Tom Mahon could go home. Perhaps we were being too loud. However, no announcement had been made letting us know there was still work being done on set. Had we known that, I’m sure everyone would have been happy to comply. All I know is that I was standing in a large group of people, also eager to get home and standing in a cemetery in the middle of the night, yet happily discussing the show we had just seen and enjoyed.

However, afterwards no was talking about the play anymore. They were talking about you, Tom Mahon and how awful you made us feel.

Almost a week later, that is the memory that sticks with me about that entire evening. Not a single moment of the show. Everyone’s hard work and commitment to the project was instantly eclipsed by your shockingly immature behavior, Tom Mahon. I suppose it was fortunate that the show was now closed, because I do plan on sending a copy of this to the producer and director of the show, because you Tom Mahon single-handedly ruined the entire experience, not only for my group, but for all of us that night left standing mutely on the hill; confused, mortified and very, very angry.

By the way, that’s his picture at the top there. TOM MAHON Just so you all know what he, Tom Mahon, looks like.

By the way, Tom Mahon. you should know that Sandra said that you’re a huge douche-canoe.

I don’t exactly know what that means, Tom Mahon, but as my grandmama used to say:

“If the douche-canoe fits…paddle it.“

Guest spot: Check me out on THE PODCAST PODCAST!

Patrick — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 18:05:58 +0000

After Mister Fozziebare was kind enough to help me pick apart DEAD BOYZ DON’T SCREAM on my show, he carried on and interviewed me on his show, The PODCAST PODCAST After we chatted about what SCREAMQUEENZ is all about, we chatted about gay cinema…and then I was put to the test by the World Famous Lightning Round!

How’d I fare? Listen for yourself and find out!

Click to listen, IF YOU DARE!!

THE RYAN CASE 1873 in the New York Times!

Patrick — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 15:19:03 +0000

June 11, 2011
A Killer’s on the Loose? Oh, It’s Just an Actor
By NEIL GENZLINGER

If you see something, you might want to pause a moment before you say something.

For instance, if what you see is a man talking to a skull and addressing it by the name Yorick, there’s a 90 percent chance that it’s an outdoor production of a play, not some grisly crime scene. A man in a T-shirt braying crazily about Stella? Seventy-five percent chance it’s a play. A woman behaving provocatively and asking if you want to “go around the corner”? Maybe 50-50.

What I’m getting at is, it’s outdoor theater season in New York, and all the city’s a stage; shows are being performed on playgrounds, in parks, on the streets. A particularly fine example drew me to Chinatown last weekend: “The Ryan Case 1873,” an audience-participation murder mystery staged by Carlo D’Amore and his Live IN Theater. The show is based on a real-life double homicide from back when that part of town was known as the Five Points and was full of Irish immigrants who apparently viewed law and order as optional.

Mr. D’Amore puts his characters right on the sidewalks, sending audience members out from a starting point at the Church of the Transfiguration on Mott Street in squadrons of 10 or so to question them as suspects in the crime, which left Nicholas and Mary Ryan, brother and sister, dead. It makes for some daftly incongruous moments.

Bridget Burke (played by Alena Acker), wife of the victims’ landlord, hawks coal in a loud Irish voice as Chinese merchants and their customers bustle all around her. A woman of ill repute named Sally Watkins (Dina Massery), also with a heavy Irish accent, is ready to meet unspecified needs “around the corner,” though our group’s efforts to find out in more detail what that meant were rebuffed when she spurned our offer of two pennies. Perhaps our efforts to calculate the inflation rate since 1873 were flawed.

The real killer was never apprehended, Mr. D’Amore said, but he has tweaked the story to give it a solution, and the audience is supposed to figure out what that is. The actors have tidbits of information they are supposed to divulge if asked the right questions. But this isn’t exactly hit-your-spot, say-your-lines theater. With two wild cards — the audience participation and the uninitiated public that is buzzing around — anything can happen, and at the performance I took in, it did.

Yosef Solanski, a rare Jewish immigrant in the Irish neighborhood that is now Chinese, is crucial to the crime, and he was played by Mr. D’Amore himself. Just as Yosef, a close friend of Mary Ryan’s, was explaining to us that he often slept in yonder park, someone who really does sleep in yonder park came up and called him a liar. He had never seen him in the park, the fellow insisted, and much shouting ensued.

It took us investigators a few minutes to realize that this was not part of the performance, and a few more to realize that we had to separate the real homeless man from the fake homeless man so that Mr. D’Amore could continue his bit and not end up in a fight. So some of our group engaged the homeless man in a chat while the others walled off Yosef and continued our interrogation. And Mr. D’Amore somehow got through it without breaking character.

Meanwhile, there’s Patrick Walsh, who plays the victims’ landlord, Patrick Burke, a particularly unsavory character. For him, the dangerous encounters have come not from the uninitiated public but from the audience (who paid up to $40 a ticket).

“Some people take the role of playing a detective way too seriously,” he said. “They try to strong-arm information out of me, literally. Last year I had a gentleman who put me in a headlock and was doing noogies on me.” Another large guy knocked Mr. Walsh off the park bench he likes to stand on in his bit, caught him before he hit the ground, and swung him around in a circle.

Less harrowing, he said, was a moment during one performance when someone asked why he kept his feet up on the bench. “Once the sun goes down, the rats come out,” he explained, and just then an errant soccer ball from a game in the adjacent park came crashing into the bushes next to him. “About 50 rats came skittering out from under my feet,” he recalled. “And I just looked up and said, ‘I am their king.’ ”

Ariel Kaminer is on leave.

E-mail: metropolitan@nytimes.com

To read the whole article, CLICK HERE!

CYRUS: MIND OF A SERIAL KILLER – Now on DVD!

Patrick — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 15:07:27 +0000

Hey Screamers! You may remember back in Episode 29, one of the movies Mister Brad and I reviewed from HORRORHOUND WEEKEND INDIANAPOLIS was a little ditty called CYRUS: MIND OF A SERIAL KILLER starring Brian Krause, Danielle Harris and Lance Henriksen! Well, it’s just been released on DVD, and it’s available on Netflix. Mister B. and I both enjoyed this one, so I suggest dropping it into your queue. Check it out, and let us know what you think, good or bad.

Mister Brad loves a good squabble!

NYCGMC’s Pride Concert: (Accentuate the)Positive

Patrick — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 14:43:28 +0000

Last Chance To Get Your Tickets For NYCGMC’s Pride Concert
(Accentuate the) Positive

Click Here to Purchase your Tickets Today!

June 29, 2011 8PM
Skirball Center for the Performing Arts, NYU

It’s time to take a fresh look at how we see HIV.

(Accentuate the) Positive
will explore how life with HIV and AIDS has changed after three decades. We will recount fascinating, moving and at times hilarious stories of life 30 years later: life in an age where HIV is manageable but stigma still exists; life among survivors who saw the worst and those from a younger generation who are finding their own voices; and life in 2011, when HIV doesn’t make the news but still affects our choices.

Come and see what Positive lives look like.

Episode 35: The GAY PRIDE HOTBODY HOOTENANNY!

Patrick — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 03:05:48 +0000

Episode 35:

HAPPY GAY PRIDE, SCREAMERS!
To celebrate this joyful and historical occasion, I delve into the sleaziest depths of gay horror…the “Blood & Beefcake” genre…with a bizarre look into the deadly world of male “modeling” with DEAD BOYZ DON’T SCREAM. And to keep me company, I get a little help from good ol’ Fozziebare from The PodcastPodcast!
And then I see if I can fend off a horde of fiercely fabulous TICKED-OFF TRANNIES WITH KNIVES! With a title like that, what could POSSIBLY go wrong!

To read the article featuring ME being interviewed by The New York Times about The Ryan Case 1873, CLICK HERE!

Here’s that video of that kid voguing I mentioned. The best part of this (aside from him getting run over by the Circle Line boat….TWICE!) is that this kid, Robert Jeffrey, grew up to be a screenwriter and MAJOR Dario Argento fan!

Episode 34: FEMALE TROUBLE at the “42nd Street Drive In”!

Patrick — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 16:54:37 +0000

Episode 34:

An assortment of health problems, both personal and familial, have unfortunately delayed me getting the Gay Pride episode to you. But, rather than leave you feeling unloved, here’s a flashback to when I guested on the 42nd Street Drive In podcast with Chris & Shawn, getting to the root of all that FEMALE TROUBLE…the John Waters kind, that is. (It’s kinda cute to hear Shawn try so desperately to keep the discussion serious…like I was gonna let that happen!)
Hopefully, if the Gods of Health and Well-Being are kind, the REAL show will be out by the weekend.
Hang in there, kidlets, and know that Daddy loves you!

Episode 33: DR TERROR’S HOUSE OF HORRORS and SKULL & BONES

Patrick — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 21:23:25 +0000

Episode 33:

Hop aboard the Midnight Train to Hell as THE NIGHTMARE CLOSET creaks open again to take us for a ride to DR TERROR’S HOUSE OF HORRORS! Then, THE CRAPSHOOT puts the “gay thriller” SKULL & BONES in its crosshairs…well, I took the bullet; now you clean up the mess.

Episode 32: TRIBECA HORRORS and the FRIDAY the 13th EXTRAVAGANTULAR PART 2!!

Patrick — Fri, 20 May 2011 05:01:10 +0000

Episode 32:

Just in time for the impending Apocalypse!! First off, listen as I get all cultural and shit at the TRIBECA FILM FESTIVAL. Mister Brad and I bravely enter THE BLEEDING HOUSE and learn why you should never be kind to strangers. Ever. Then, I’m off to Israel to contract a new breed of RABIES. “If I were a mad dog…yabba dibbi dibbi…”And finally, I unleash the hideous story of how I ruined poor David Gonzales’ life when I recount another tale of my misspent youth in the next installment of the FRIDAY THE 13th EXTRAVAGANTULAR! (I’m going to have to change the title of this series now that I see that is has “VAG” stuck in the middle of it.)

If you only have time to listen to one podcast before the End of the World, make it this one!
************************************************************************************************************

There’s still time to make a donation to AIDS WALK NY!

Check out Brian’s review of SCREAMQUEENZ at BIG GAY HORROR FAN!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qw2hfNKQuo

Episode 31: THE UNINVITED (1944) and EASTER BUNNY KILL! KILL!

Patrick — Thu, 05 May 2011 15:01:59 +0000

Episode 31:

This week, taste the injustice of criminal unavailablity when I debut a new segment,

“Why the Fuck Isn’t This On DVD?!?”

Find out why the 1940′s classic ghost story THE UNINVITED is so awesome, and why it sucks so bad that currently you can’t see it.

And then, I give you the skinny on Chad Ferrin’s EASTER BUNNY KILL! KILL! Is it Holiday Hijinx or Horrendous Horseshit? Only Peter Cottontail knows for sure!

So strap on your bunny ears and light your candelabra, because this party bus is ready to roll!!

Check out Mister Brad and I on KITCHEN NIGHTMARES!

Then find out THE TRUTH of what happened at PJ’s Steakhouse at I’M NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS #157!

Please help Brad & I by sponsoring us in the GMHC AIDS WALK 2011!

Episode 30: ABSENTIA, SCREAM 4 and HIGH LANE

Patrick — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 22:17:13 +0000

Episode 30:

By the time this posts, the Feline Crisis is over, but the D-R-A-M-A was already recorded, so bask in it, Bitches!

Just the thing to counteract your Easter bliss…an unholy dose of SCREAMQUEENZ in you aural orifice! This week, we continue the coverage of HORRORHOUND WEEKEND when Zombart & his friend Sophocles stop by SQHQ to talk about Mike Flanagan’s truly haunting kinda-sorta ghost story, ABSENTIA. And then, even in the depths of despair, how can I not talk about the latest big release shrieker, SCREAM 4. And finally, everyone’s favorite brown-nosers Bette & her husband Derwood phone in a review of the French mountaintop slasher HIGH LANE. Tres jolie, Derwood! Tres jolie!

So bandage up your pussy, cuz this IS gonna hurt!!

To check out Kyle’s from CampBlood.org’s SCREAM 4 Drinking Game, click HERE!

Episode 29: HORRORHOUND WEEKEND – Day One

Patrick — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 04:36:55 +0000

Episode 29:

This episode, we take our first chunk out of the HORRORHOUND WEEKEND shenanigans, as well as talk about the first day of movie screenings. Mister Brad & I hoped to see some of the MuscleWolf boys in LETHAL OBSESSIONS, but instead got a tranny psycho hunting skanky girl sexcam workers. And then, an all-star cast takes us inside CYRUS: MIND OF SERIAL KILLER…not surprisingly, it’s messy. The Nightmare Closet creaks open again, and we learn why THE LEGACY scares Patrick out of pools. We get a listener review of the Ozploitation shocker PRIMAL, and discover why Patrick has been banned from Kroger.

Check out the 4-part series of videos from last year’s Horrorhound Indy for more Patrick & Mr. Brad wackiness!

Episode 28: ROAD GAMES, CHAIN LETTER and INSIDIOUS

Patrick — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 05:10:04 +0000

Episode 28:

Get ready for a terrific triple feature of terror! First, I get to fulfill a DARK OBSESSION when I go truckin with Stacey Keach, Jamie Leigh Curtis & a non-frisky dingo, hunting a serial killer in the Australian outback in ROAD GAMES! I can’t wait to get into Stacey’s cab (not to mention his tight leather pants!) And then THE CRAPSHOOT returns to give Deon Taylor a second chance with CHAIN LETTER. Last time, DEAD TONE almost made my head explode. Does he fare better, or is Mr. Brad mopping my brains off the walls? And finally, get a sneak spoiler-free peak at the upcoming supernatural shriek-a-thon, INSIDIOUS…Lin Shaye in a gas mask. Scary! (And kinda hot!)

Episode 27: The SCREAMQUEENZ Lifetime Acheivement Award Tribute

Patrick — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 19:10:29 +0000

Episode 27:

At long last, the mystery of the identity of our ScreamQueenz Diva Ultima will finally be revealed! Thrill to a full episode devoted to honoring the career of a woman who has dedicated her entire career to teaching us that you don’t have to the Survivor Girl to be a ScreamQueen! In fact, she proves that sometimes screaming, crying and dying is the ultimate to steal the show! BRAVA!

Episode 26: The SuperMegaGigantisode!!!

Patrick — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 23:57:13 +0000

Episode 26:

This show’s for all you SizeQueenz out there (and your boyfriends!). I create a Quadrangle of Evil with four terrifying reviews. First up, you’ll get a double of dose of UK-style thrills and chills with the inappropriately titled THE POSSESSION OF DAVID O’REILLY and the supernatural prep school slasher TORMENTED! And then, I review the first book of Robert R. Best’s zombie trilogy, LAKEWOOD MEMORIAL…Was it worth the wait? Finally, we all get a really close look at what James Cameron has stuck in his SANCTUM…(is it a coincidence that the poster looks like a giant anus?…I’m just sayin’)

So what are you waiting for? The party’s about to get freaky!!!

For links mentioned during show

View the hilarious F*CK YOU, BOX! and other art by Katie Cook at http://katiecandraw.bigcartel.com

And be sure to pick up LAKEWOOD MEMORIAL from Amazon.com

Episode 25: VANISHING ON 7th STREET, FROZEN and MEGA-PYTHON vs GATOROID

Patrick — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 22:30:12 +0000

Episode 25:

Join me in celebrating our 25th show, and come investigate the VANISHING ON 7th STREET, Brad Anderson’s new end-of-the-world chiller…is everyone missing, or are they just naked? And then here we go a-dangling! Hope you wore your thermal Underoo’s, because we’re getting FROZEN on a chair lift between two hunky ski-bucks! (On second thought, ditch the Underoo’s!) And finally, prepare to be dazzled by all of Hollywood’s “finest” as Mister Brad and I attend the swanky world premiere of SyFy’s newest opus, MEGA PYTHON vs GATOROID! I was so afraid they were gonna eat each other….NO! Not the monsters! I meant Debbie Gibson and Tiffany! EEK!

Episode 24: THE MAZE, DON’T LOOK UP and NIGHT OF THE LEPUS

Patrick — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 05:12:56 +0000

Episode 24:

This week, we’ve got one great big honkin’ DoubleStuft episode, overflowing with laughs and screams and lapse of good taste and judgement! First off, we’ve got not one, but two Crapshoot features this week! First, get lost with me in THE MAZE, the scariest thing to happen to corn since the Orville Redenbacher sex tape leaked! Then, discover that if you should ever find yourself on a haunted film set in Transylvania, whatever you do… DON’T LOOK UP! Why?….I have no friggin’ idea. And finally, Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail are out to kick some ass in the NIGHT OF THE LEPUS, and you just might die laughing.

Check out Scott at The Satyrsphere Podcast at satyrsphere.blogspot.com

Join Peaches’ Army at www.PeachesChrist.com

Episode 23: MAKE A WISH, THE OTHER and BLACK CHRISTMAS

Patrick — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 01:48:14 +0000

Episode 23:

Happy New Year, Screamers! Get ready to kick off 2011 with a little girl-on-girl horror with the lesbian slasher, MAKE A WISH. Next, The Nightmare Closet spits out some truly terrible twins from 1972′s, THE OTHER. And finally, I get to pontificate on my all-time favorite scary movie: BLACK CHRISTMAS!

Hope your hangover’s gone, cuz it’s about to get loud up in here!!

(Plus for those of you who missed out on Episode 22 in all the iTunes mix-up last week, it’s thoughtfully tacked on to the end of this week’s show for your enjoyment and ridicule.)

Vote for SCREAMQUEENZ for the Splatcademy Award’s Best Podcast at http://deadlantern.com/vote/

Check out Toppie and The Smellcast at smellcast.wordpress.com!

Episode 22: VOICEMAIL MANIA and A SPECIAL SURPRISE – *Repost*

Patrick — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 02:00:48 +0000

Episode 22:

Time to get your Ho-Ho’s on, Screamers, with another diabolical (albeit rather short) episode of SCREAMQUEENZ!!! This week, continuing vocal problems plus an unexpected trip to Connecticut for the holiday with the Brad-Clan have left us with another mini-show. However, while short in length, it’s packed with freaeky goodness while we take a peek into my twisted childhood – Listen in horror to the WORLD PREMIERE of the audiobook recording of THE LEGEND OF DEATH HILL HOUSE; a short story I wrote at age 12 for a school assignment. Then, quake with dread as I unclog the two-week’s worth of voicemails. Ooooh, it’s gonna hurt so niiiiice!

Calling all Sugarplum Fairies!!!…drop em, grease em, spread em!!
It’s a very SCREAMQUEENZ Chrizzmizz…

Episode 21: THE REDSIN TOWER

Patrick — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 18:24:10 +0000

Episode 21:

As promised, Screamers, this is a short episode. But as we all know, length doesn’t always matter. (I said, not always….GOD!) So, this week we’re flashing back to my very first Horrorhound Weekend when I met the NOTLP gang and reviewed THE REDSIN TOWER.

As matter of fact, that weekend was a lot of firsts…my first convention, my first time being on a podcast and my very first EVP…and not the ghostly kind!

Episode 20: RED HOOK and THE FORTUNE TELLER

Patrick — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 04:17:15 +0000

Episode 20:

This week, it’s the return of The Crapshoot! Think I’m gonna play nice with RED HOOK?   I think you’re dead wrong. And then Mister Brad and I are invited to the reading of a will and instead wind up in the company of seriously macabre marionnetes; all of us waiting to learn of our grisly fates when THE FORTUNE TELLER reads our cards.   You know it’s gonna be a helluva party when Evil Puppets show up!!

All we’re missing for the fun to begin is YOU!!

For more information about Phantom Limb’s THE FORTUNE TELLER, check out http://www.phantomlimbcompany.com/projects/fortuneteller/

To watch THE FORTUNE TELLER in its entirety, head on over to http://vimeo.com/9302361

Episode 19: VISITING HOURS and GRIMM LOVE

Patrick — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 19:36:41 +0000

Episode 19:

In this episode, one of my Dark Obsessions sends me to the ER when I finally get to check out the Canadian slasher VISITING HOURS! And in this hospital, whatever you do…don’t let them give you a spongebath. Then, I actually find a movie worth watching in the Fango Frightfest trashdump with the deeply disturbing yet oddly beautiful internet cannibal shocker GRIMM LOVE.Pot of gold? Maybe. Plate of dick? DEFINITELY! Finally, Mister Brad and I run afoul of a pair of hunky alien DEVIL BOYS FROM BEYOND. and oddly no one seems to mind the anal probing at all!

Oh, and did I mention I’ve been nominated for a BEST GLBT PODCAST AWARD ?Oooooooh, DADDY!!!

So, be truly fabulous and vote for me once a day, every day at www.PodcastAwards.com

Episode 18: 127 HOURS and SOMEONE’S KNOCKING AT THE DOOR

Patrick — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 03:32:15 +0000

Episode 18:

It’s Episode 18, and before I get drafted, I need to tell to you why you absolutely should not miss 127 HOURS! Then, take another role at The Craphoot table, and you’ll find out that turkey’s aren’t the only things getting stuffed! Cuz SOMEONE’S KNOCKING AT THE DOOR…and let’s just say he’s not using his hands. Plus, I babble on about my favorite lesbians, throw props to writer/director Sean Abley, and confess how Snoopy ruined my goddamn life.

Get Your Copy of ALL ABOUT EVIL here!

http://store.peacheschrist.com/products/83-all-about-evil-2010-dvd-presale.aspx

Check out Sean Abley’s GAY OF THE DEAD blog on Fangoria.com!

http://www.fangoria.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=48&Itemid=162

Episode 17: NEEDLE and PLAY DEAD

Patrick — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 17:00:06 +0000

Episode 17:

My days as jail-bait are almost over…so hump me while you can!

But seriously, this week the Crapshoot returns to take the Australian thriller NEEDLE to the grindstone….ooh, mixed metaphors!

And then Zombart & I teach you how to PLAY DEAD… and roll over…and beg..

Episode 16: NIGHTMARE: SUPERSTITIONS and SKYLINE

Patrick — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 16:34:47 +0000

Episode 16:

In my sssssuper sweet 16th episode, I’m taking you deep into the bowels of New York City’s premiere haunted attraction, the infamous NIGHTMARE: Superstitions! Then we’ll wisk over to the West Coast for a little good ol’ fashioned alien invasion at a sneak preview screening of SKYLINE. Actually, I wasn’t sure if this was going to be about flesh-hungry aliens or that gut-devouring chili from Cincinnati….Either way, the end result was going to be messy. So come join me for a show filled with boatloads of F-U-N!!! And if you don’t, then just F-U!!!!

Episode 15: STRAIT-JACKET and SAW 3D

Patrick — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 19:22:36 +0000

Episode 15:

This week, we’re busting out of the booby hatch with Joan Crawford in the William Castle howler, STRAIT-JACKET and heads are gonna roll! Then, I need a couple of cocktails to help me through my SAW 3D review, because the next dimension is “suck”.

So, c’mon kids! Grab your ax, don your wig and whatever you do, don’t pluck your eyebrows!

Episode 14: The 1st HALLOWEEN EXTRAVAAAANGZAAAA!!

Patrick — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 06:02:33 +0000

Happy Halloween, Screamerz!

Well, y’all have been screamin’ for an extra-long episode….and this week, YOU GOT IT!!

Episode 14

Chocked full of guest hosts and musical wackiness!

I take on the 2004 sickle-psycho head-choppin’ devil-homo horror hit, HELLBENT!

Then, I review not one but TWO more very unusual New York City haunted house attractions, the STEAMPUNK HAUNTED HOUSE and the now-infamous VORTEX HAUNTED HOUSE.

But what fun is spending Halloween alone? Beats me, cuz we’re going to be spending it with Bryan from Drunken Zombie, super high-fashion model Kristin Quinn and, of course, the famous Mister Brad.

I hope your costume is fire-retardant, cuz this part is going to be fla-AAAAAA-miiiiiiiing!!

Please visit links mentioned during the show:

DRUNKEN ZOMBIE Podcast

KRISTIN QUINN’s Blog

STEAMPUNK HAUNTED HOUSE

Henry Street Settlement – ABRONS ARTS CENTER

THIRD RAIL PROJECTS

Vortex Theater’s HAUNTED HOUSE

VORTEX THEATER

Episode 13: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2, FEAR ON 21st STREET and BLOOD & LACE

Patrick — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 04:58:28 +0000

Episode 13:

At long last, it’s finally Episode 13! So to celebrate, I’m encouraging feuding between the ranks by reviewing PARANORMAL ACTVITY 2! (Hey, love the franchise or not, I’d be a bad podcaster not to discuss it…SUCK IT UP!!!)

Then, we’re heading back into the depths of my “Nightmare Closet” with a discussion on the nearly-impossible-find 70′s sickfest BLOOD AND LACE

…at this orphanage, it’s always Hammertime!

And finally, I’ll take you on a tour of an insane asylum with a gaggle of bloodthirsty patients who really know how to cut loose when I check out the new New York City haunted attraction, FEAR ON 21st STREET

Then check out…

Watch my youtube video for the“IT GETS BETTER” PROJECT.

Get your rare DVD’s from SHOCKING VIDEO at www.RevengeIsMyDestiny.com

BONUS EPISODE: Patrick Guests on MOVIES ABOUT GIRLS

Patrick — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 17:42:12 +0000

Hey kids! My schedule was indeed bonko this week, so I was busy as a….well, let’s just say I was busy. So I’m a little behind on gathering up all the material I want to make a great show for you, dear listener. Plus, Mister Brad is sick and is sleeping in my illustrious recording studio, so I figured it’s better to delay the podcast a day or two than put out a piece of crap and make Zombart cry. But fear not, little tadpoles, here’s the audio from my guest, stint from a few weeks ago, on the

MOVIES ABOUT GIRLS PODCAST

I helped out with their “Let’s Fuck Up The Podcast” segment….which is how they found me in the first place. So, we check out some really out-there shows and learn something about the world and even something about ourselves. Check out MOVIES ABOUT GIRLS at www.MoviesAboutGirls.com!

WARNING: Really really REALLY not safe for work!!

Episode 12: REPOST

Patrick — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 15:00:59 +0000

In my haste to get the episode posted, I accidently forgot to insert Dr. Finger. Well, he’s all up in there now, so enjoy.

Episode 12: NIGHT OF THE DEMONS and EXAM

Patrick — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 02:38:06 +0000

Episode 12:

This week, it’s time to pop that lipstick out of your boob and listen to my coverage of a screening of the new NIGHT OF THE DEMONS remake. And then, the British thriller EXAM sees how it fares in The Crapshoot. Plus, Zombart makes history by rendering me speechless! (He must be destroyed…)

So join the party in my pants, because I’m making cheese dip!!

Scariest Puppet EVER!

Episode 11: MY SOUL TO TAKE and BROTHERHOOD OF SATAN

Patrick — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 04:00:14 +0000

Episode 11:

In this episode, I take one for the team and come up with a dozen reasons why you shouldn’t bother seeing the new Wes Craven misfire, MY SOUL TO TAKE. And then I introduce a new segment to the show and revisit a movie that scared the living poo out of me as a child. So pull up a chair, sacrifice a goat and get ready for Columbus Day madness!

For more information about the IT GETS BETTER PROJECT, click here!

Episode 10: HATCHET 2, BURNING BRIGHT and I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE

Patrick — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 05:12:44 +0000

Episode 10:

In this episode, 3 Movies = 3 Reviews. I catch the senior matinee of HATCHET 2. Is it more fun than a sharp farm implement in the genitals? Then, can the Crapshoot gun down some big pussy in BURNING BRIGHT. And finally, things get rape-a-licious when I catch a free screening of the I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE remake.

… And don’t get used to having three reviews per shows, kidlets - Daddy’s a Busy Queen.

Get LAKEWOOD MEMORIAL by Robert R. Best here!

Episode 9: BURIED, HUNGER and 2001 MANIACS: FIELD OF SCREAMS

Patrick — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 03:33:45 +0000

Episode 9:

This week, be the first kids on the block to find out all about Ryan Reynold’s hole when I serve up the dish on BURIED. Then, it’s time for another Crapshoot, and 2001 MANIACS: FIELD OF SCREAMS find themselves caught in the crossfire.   And finally, find out if the Fangoria Frightfest finally redeems itself when I start feelin’ the cravings in HUNGER.

Plus, find out how to win one of two original BURIED movie posters!

Get ZombieHuntrTony’s novel KINGS OF THE DEAD at Amazon.com

Win Two Free Passes to I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE Double Feature!!

Patrick — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 16:34:35 +0000

It’s the first SCREAMQUEENZ giveaway! Win two free passes to the I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE double feature this Monday, October 20th at 8pm right here in New York City. Relieve all the savage horror of the infamous original. Then be among the first to see the new Anchor Bay remake!

So, email your entry to me at crew@ScreamQueenz.com, tweet me @ScreamQueenz, or call 347-747-3509. Winner will be selected at random.

Please, enter only if you’re in the New York City area!

Good luck!

Epsiode 8: PIG HUNT and SPIRIT CAMP

Patrick — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 16:29:23 +0000

Episode 8:

This week, I’m giving the FANGORIA FRIGHTFEST a chance to redeem itself after last week’s DARK HOUSE debacle, so listen in horror as I go whole-hog into the porcine trainwreck, PIG HUNT.   Then, it’s time to rick ‘em, rack ‘em, reck ‘em, ‘ruck ‘em when SPIRIT CAMP finds itself in the cross hairs of this week’s CRAPSHOOT. Pom-poms, pigs and persnickety Patrick!

What a perfect combination!

Episode 7: DARK HOUSE and DEAD TONE

Patrick — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 12:37:23 +0000

Episode 7:

“This is where the weird kids live…”

If you’ve been hankerin for some of that famous “Angry Redhead” action, you’re gonna get a big honkin’ earful of it this week! Patrick is less than pleased with the Fangoria Frightfest winning selection, DARK HOUSE. And after sitting through this week’s selection for “The Crapshoot”, someone’s gonna get that damn phone shoved up their ass….if they’re lucky. Plus, “How to Provoke a Sleeping Bradford“! …..DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!!

Episode 6: THEY WAIT and TOXIC AVENGER: THE MUSICAL

Patrick — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 17:33:38 +0000

Episode 6:

This week, an innocent question about “Scream Queens” on VH-1 ignites a frenzied rant ‘n’ rave. But when the dust settles it leads to an impromtpu review of THEY WAIT, starring “Scream Queens” host Jaime King. And then, we have a special Spotlight Feature on TOXIC AVENGER: THE MUSICAL. So, offer your hungry ghost a container of toxic waste, and get ready for fantabulous F-U-N!!

Click here to DEMAND Toxie comes to YOUR TOWN!!!

Separated at Birth!??!?

The Birth of a Banana Pant

Patrick — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 04:16:50 +0000

Recently on the MAIL ORDER ZOMBIE podcast, a cultural phenomenon has sparked and is spinning delightfully out of control. That phenomenon is of course this “Banana Pants” craze that has swept the listeners after over a year’s worth of me trying to force that term into the public lexicon.

To emphasize how long I’ve been torturing Brother D with this ADORABLE yet thoroughly enigmatic little word, I’m reprinting my answer to the MOZ ZOMBIE APTITUDE TEST question regarding the definition of “Apocalypse”.

Note: I don’t believe this answer was ever read on the air, which fortifies my belief that Brother D deliberately tried to squash the “Banana Pants Movement” (or BPM, for short!)

Plus, I thought I had a really great answer, and now that I have my own forum to spout my mad drivel, I’m using it thusly.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************

From an email dated February 7, 2010:

Brother Deezus and Miss Breezuz,

This is my response to the ZAT question for January regarding the Apocalypse.
I know it’s late but, iIt has been extremely difficult for me to formulate an answer for this reason.

When I first heard Miss Bren start pitching the apocalypse-themed idea, I started to get angry.
Really angry. I really didn’t even have the faintest idea why. My anger flamed up higher and higher, and
when she got to the part about the Titanic being an apocalypse to the people on board, I was
actually seeing red, furious, enraged even!

Now you’re probably asking “why?” So was I. I had no idea why this question was causing this kind of response
so I’ve taken a lot of time to mull over it, and I’ve finally come up with an answer and a potential solution.

This question struck at the core of my inner English Professor, who we’ll call “Dr. Fabulous” just for fun.
Let me add that Dr. Fabulous and myself have 17 years of Catholic school education under his/our belt,
which may have added additional fuel to this vocabularial fire.

My definition of “apocalypse” was the traditional Judeo-Christian one. In other words, Armageddon or the
end of the world. In my mind, the idea of post-apocalypse was preposterous. World ended. End of story.

So, I rushed to the dictionary, sure it would help me prove my point. I was surprised and I must admit a little
disappointed to find other, more localized definitions as well, as in “great or total devastation”.

While my ego was bruised to find I had a narrow view of the word’s definition, I found myself still angry about
something else. Dr. Fabulous was railing against the entire concept of over-expanding definitions.
While the definition of a word is bound to change over time, I discovered that it irritates me and frankly offends me
when a word becomes so inclusive of multiple definitions, it’s so watered down that the word no longer carries any
impact or worse, it loses all meaning whatsoever.

Some examples of this that popped into my mind included:

1) “Diva” – Essentially it means “goddess” or more literally, “the divine one”. When it was applied to primadonna opera
singers, it meant basically that this woman was so gifted that when she sang it was like hearing the voice of god yet also
meant that she had the temper of a deity as well. It wasn’t exactly a compliment. Not every opera singer was
a diva. She had to be extraordinarily gifted and extraordinarily difficult, even cruel. Nowadays, it’s become synonymous with “self-centered bitch” or any female artist VH-1 wants to promote. Look at the traditional definition and then consider that the VH-1 applied the title to Miley Cyrus, and you’ll get a sense the dissipation of meaning I’m going on about here.

2) “Awesome” – Once used to try to capture the enormity of the heaven or the oceans or God, now every hot fudge sundae
you get at the Dairy Queen is awesome.

3) Hate to do this to you, but “Zombie”. It seems every monster from vampires to mummies to that big guy who came out of the lake is a zombie. If I was to arrive from another planet I would have a hard time understanding what you were talking about. (Please note: I’m playing Devil’s Advocate here. Don’t hurt me.)

So that’s what angered me initially about expanding the definition of “apocalypse” to include the Titantic and smaller scale disasters.
I looked down the road a few years and heard the term being reduced to mean “suck” or ‘awful”, being used in situations like “Man, the drive home from work was an apocalypse!”, “I got a zit and tonight’s the prom! It’s the Apocalypse!!” or “Damn, girrrrrl….yo’ hair is an apocalypse!”
(I must admit though, I’m rather fond of that last one.)

However, then I remembered that my definition of the word was only partially correct, and there was no logical reason not to expand it to these other situations.

This did not soothe Dr. Fabulous’ mind at all. He can be a really awesome diva sometimes.

So I got to thinking how the Inuits have over fifty words for “snow.” In other words, they have a bevy of words to describe the infinite variations and situations of snow, and I thought how limited our own language is.

And I got to thinking that William Shakespeare liberally made up many, many words. He was a “wordsmith”. So I thought maybe we should do some wordsmithing to come up with apocalypse variables to encompass all those different scenarios.

Like “apoca-little, “apoca-leeni”, “apola-lotta”, “apoca-loco”, “apoca-looloo”. Perhaps an apocalypse survivor would be an “apola-lobster”, and he could head down to the “apoca-lounge” and enjoy an “apocol-tini”.

Of course, we could scrap the word “apocolypse” entirely and subsititute “Banana-Pants”, because that would make the end of the world a little less grim.

I personally would look forward to the arrival of the Four Horseman of the Banana-Pants.

Thanks for bearing with me through this long process, but this has been bugging me for weeks, and I feel better having purged it all all y’all.

Merriam-Webster can suck it,
Patrick

Episode 5: THE LAST EXORCISM and THEATER OF BLOOD

Patrick — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 19:32:19 +0000

Episode 5

In this week’s episode, I let you know if THE LAST EXORCISM is worth a look, or if it’s just the same ol’ head-spinning, soup-yarfing, cross-humping silliness. Then, I’ve saved you an aisle seat in Vincent Price’s 1973 classic THEATER OF BLOOD…our first ever QUEEN’S CHOICE selection. Plus, I babble on a lot about questionable cleaning products and secondary gay icons. Fun will be had by most.

Episode 4 – PIRANHA 3-D and THE DISAPPEARED

Patrick — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 05:34:30 +0000

Episode 4:

Bust out your water wings and drop your bikini top because we’re covering PIRANHA 3-D, and this hungry fishies are going to leave you schooled!….Worst pun ever. Next, should you watch THE DISAPPEARED? Or should you just tell it to get lost? Find out in another round of The Crapshoot!!

Check out the hilarious Piranha 3-D “For Your Consideration” video on FunnyOrDie.com

Episode 3: The FRIDAY THE 13th Spectacular and THE FINAL

Patrick — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:07:51 +0000

Episode 3

Grab your hockey mask & your Number Two pencils!! In this episode, we celebrate FRIDAY THE 13TH with childhood trauma, inappropriate music choices, and some oddly appropriate mommy issues. Then things get heavy when THE FINAL stirs up Patrick’s dark past.

Learn about the death of Phoebe Price

Some of the music provided tonight from Mevio’s Music Alley. Check it out at music.mevio.com

“Hunting for Witches Crystal Castles Remix” & “Hunting for Witches Fury 666 Remix” by
bloc party

Episode 2: ALL ABOUT EVIL and CORNERED!

Patrick — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 06:03:30 +0000

Episode 2:

In this episode, Mister Brad & I cover the star-studded New York City premiere of the gleefully wicked campy gorefest, ALL ABOUT EVIL.

Plus, The straight-to-DVD storebound slasher CORNERED! is the target of our very first “Crapshoot” segment. Add into that a live performance by Trixi Carr, and you’re in for one moist ‘n’ meaty good time.

And remember, my fellow Screamers, the ALL ABOUT EVIL TOUR could be heading your way soon! Check out the full list of tour dates by clicking here!

ALL ABOUT EVIL Premiere Photos & Video

Patrick — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 02:00:50 +0000

Peaches and Patrick

The dead-sexy dancer, PJ Soul-less.

Trixi Carr singing STAR QUALITY





The ALL ABOUT EVIL Tour – in 4D!!

Patrick — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:07:46 +0000

No Thanks

ALL ABOUT EVIL Trailer

So, I just got last minute confirmation that Mister Brad and I will be attending the New York premiere of “All About Evil” at a midnight screening at the Landmark Sunshine Cinema downtown.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, don’t feel bad. I didn’t know either before this morning. In a nutshell, it’s a gory horror comedy starring Natasha Leone, Cassandra “Elvira” Peterson & the infamous Peaches Christ It’s touring the country with an entourage of performers, turning the whole event into a wild “Rocky Horror”-esque experience.

For years, San Francisco-based drag superstar Peaches Christ has been hosting “Midnight Mass” – midnight screenings in the Castro of cult classic movies, combined with live performers. And now she’s made her own piece of shock-schlock cinema and has taken the show on the road.

I have no idea what we’re in for tonight, but it sounds like a blast! I’ll be bringing along my camera and documenting as much as I can, so look forward to coverage here real soon!

For more about Peaches Christ and the Midnight Mass, check out www.peacheschrist.com

A Big Brother 12 Fable…kinda.

Patrick — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 02:44:16 +0000

Once upon a time, long long ago, when Wee Little Patrick was just starting out his acting career, I got my first professional job in a children’s theater tour in which we’d be travelling over 9,000 miles by van in about 3 months.

I remember on our first day of rehearsal, the head of the organization came in and explained to us the copious company rules and the kind of behavior they expected while we were on the road. At the end of rehearsal, the guy who was our road manager came up to us individually and whispered harshly that there was a mandatory company meeting at this apartment that night.

He explained to us, “You heard what the company’s rules are. Forget them. They don’t know what it’s like out there on the road. These are MY RULES; they are absolute and they will be enforced without question.”

Essentially he said that we could go fuck as many people as we wanted anywhere we went, he didn’t care, provided it wasn’t any of the 10 people currently standing in this room. If he found out that there were in-company hookups, both of the people involved would be fired immediately.

I didn’t fully understand it at the time, but I do now, especially after some tours I’ve been on where that standard had not been set and witnessing the nightmare scenarios that grew out of that.

When you’re in a confined pressure-cooker situation…say a tour bus, a desert island or house on the CBS lot…hookups completely effect the dynamic. Instantly, everything becomes those two…about what WE want and what WE think, and resentment starts to build. No matter how long the relationship survives, everything’s permanantly screwed. If it succeeds, the couple tends to start lording over things like a fiefdom. Or worse, if it fails, it literally forces everyone else in that environment to take sides. It can’t be avoided.

I know in a much earlier email, I talked about how tour buses I’ve been on turned into agonizing Lord of the Flies-esque situations with absolutely no one talking to anyone…everytime that has happened, the root of it has been because two assholes hooked up and ruined everything for everyone else.

I thank that road manager from long ago for instilling that work ethic in me, because it has kept me out of being in the middle of some horrible scenarios, such as the Christmas Carol tour where both Mrs. Cratchet and Tiny Tim wound up pregnant by the same dude. Or the You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown tour where a violent herpes outbreak ran rampany through the entire cast but me.

So it is with horror that I look at Big Brother 12 and see not one but two nauseating relationships screwing everything up. As you can see, all we ever hear about is Brendon and Rachel ad nauseum. They’re already hogging all the attention, and when that craps up, we’ve got Mr. Upside-Down Face and Ms. No-Personality waiting in the wings to continue the line of retardation.

I just find it especially said because everyone…and I mean every single other person in the damn house….is infinitely more iinteresting than these four asshole and their burgeoning loins.

Even though I feel anger stirring within me over getting sucked into another season of this foolishness, I calm myself my remembering that it was Allison (from I’m Not Here To Make Friends) who brought this show into my life. And by continuing to watch it, it brings me closer to Allison. And for that I am infinitely grateful, because, let’s just face it…she’s superkickasscool.

Although now that my podcast has finally been unleashed on the world, all previous contracts are off, and I may begin mocking her merciless again. Because she is a total, total retard.

Episode 01 – The Fay Wray Inside You

Patrick — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:35:03 +0000

In this introductory mini-show, I give you a quickie rundown of what I’ve got planned for the show and why I’m doing it….plus I earn my EXPLICIT tag while I’m at it.

Some of the music provided is from Mevio’s Music Alley. Visit music.mevio.com to find out more.

“Hunting for Witches Crystal Castles Remix” & “Hunting for Witches Fury 666 Remix” by bloc party

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-fd5611c707f1e3b4a750817ea50b3915}

Waiting Room of the Damned

Patrick — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 03:13:29 +0000

So I was a Good Samaritan and accompanied a friend of to a doctor’s appointment today. He’s been down lately and wanted the company, and since I have nothing better to do with my time and good use a few good karma points to counteract all the heinous things I say about Rachel on BIG BROTHER 12, I agreed. Since no good deed goes unpunished, it wasn’t long before I realized that I had crossed over into the Twilight Zone.

See, it started with a relentlessly crying baby. While this wasn’t awful, it was persistent enough to get me too look up from my book and begin to become more aware of the nightmare unfolding all around me. I had half-noticed the incredibly loud conversation the incredibly large woman sitting next to me was shaving with the even larger woman on the other side of the waiting room. She had been going on and on about how she always “blings it up” when she comes here because the doctor is so hot the two of them refer to him only as “Dr. Porno”. I had to sneak a peak at the name on the door…it’s New York. Dr Porno might actually be his name.

It wasn’t.

It was about then that I began to realize that woman next to me has her arm around me! I thought, “OK, I’m sitting leaning forward. I bet if I lean back, she’ll move her arm.” And I would be wrong. Nope, she just starts talking louder and laughing so hard that’s she’s punching the back of my chair with enough force to make my glasses slip down my nose. My friend was in with Dr. Porno during all of this, so I might have been bolder with a wing man on my side, but somehow I doubted that my pugilistic friend would be amenable to any suggestions on her in-office behavior.

I decide to play possum. Just continue sitting leaning faaaar forward, and pray that this will all be over soon. I tried to immerse myself in my book, but it’s hard to focus when Sugar Ray Leonard is realigning your spine. I looked up to the office door, hoping my friend would pop out. Nope. Instead I noticed the older woman sitting catty corner across the aisle from me. She’s wearing a well-worn tank top, and she has these large, nearly-perfect circles of thick matted black hair on the backs of her upper arms. It looked as her armpits had somehow slid halfway down her arm.

As I felt my breakfast burrito gurgling back up in my throat, I felt an enormous presence bumbling toward me down the aisle.   Coming at me is an extra-large, extra sweaty man wearing a filthy t-shirt featuring Yosemite Sam, guns blazing with the words “I HAD A BANG UP TIME AT HERSCHEL’S BAR MITZVAH!” Not only did the shirt seem to have more food on it than they probably had at the Bar Mitzvah’s buffet table, it also has a strategically placed hole in the chest that when he adjusted himself to sit down, his alarmingly happy-to-see-me nipple popped right out, jack in the box-style. (Think Columbia’s peekaboo nips in Rocky Horror….but gross.) While my mind was reeling in horror, it also had the sensibility to dub this gentlemen with a fitting, if not particularly clever moniker of “Mr. Nipple.”

Remember Lady Armhair? Well, evidently he was with her, because she got up to let him get past her to sit down with her. And when she did she turned around and I saw…. Umm, remember that well-worn tank top she had on? Well, it was even more worn from the front, because it was nearly see through and this 70+ woman was not wearing a bra. “Mr. Nipple….Meet Mrs. Nipple.”

I’ve had enough and I start to gather my things to go wait for my friend outside, and I see that Big Fat Boxing Bitch sitting next to me has half-slipped off one of her sandals and, as she’s BELLOWING across the room, she’s using a credit card to scrape what I can only call “subway sludge” off the bottom of her foot. When she got a big enough ball of goo collected, she just flicked in right on the floor. Right next to my backpack.

I’m not really sure what happened after that. Perhaps it’s better that I never know. Sometimes selective amnesia is the healthiest thing you can do. I think my mind had reached it’s maximum capacity of “Ick Factor” and to let anything else in would have sent me swirling off into a nightmare world of Lovecraftian madness. And while I can never unsee Mr. and Mrs. Nipple, Big Fat Boxer bitch or the sticky wad of urban filth mixed with foot sweat that she spewed forth at me, I can forever give my friend endless amounts of grief about putting me through this ordeal just so Dr. Porno could check his prostate.

And hey, I got quite a story out of it. And possibly a fungal infection.

Why Don’t We Do It in the Subway?

Patrick — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 04:13:38 +0000

So, on my way home from my performance tonight, I was changing trains at Times Square. By the stairs leading down to the 1,2 & 3 trains, there was a band playing. I’ve seen them there quite a few times now, and they always manage to make me smile.

All they ever seem to play is Beatle covers, and I think they’re great. As a band, they’re nothing special. Their playing is messy, the vocals are all over the place, but what really struck me tonight was the effect they have on their crowd.

Whenever I see them, I always start singing along. I never have the time to stop, so I might have enough time to catch a verse and chorus as I pass by. But what struck me tonight initially was the huge crowd they had around them. Yes, it was Saturday night in Times Square, but still…in this particular corner of the subway, people tend not to gather. But they certainly did tonight. And I realized that whenever I’ve seen them they always have a decent-sized crowd.

I started to look around as I was walking, and it seemed like every other person was singing along, even if they weren’t stopping to watch. People would come up the escalators or down from 41st street, and I could see that moment of recognition when they heard the music. Almost everyone would start to at least smile a little as they passed through, and I thought how extraordinary the whole experience was.

On a Saturday night in the busiest hour of the busiest place in the city….in a place people are only hurrying through to get to whatever it is they really want to get to, this ragtag little band has the power to stop people in their tracks. Maybe not always physically, but mentally there a moment that was visable in people when they would snap out of their rush hour-induced bubble and enjoy their surroundings.

While it speaks volumes about the power of The Beatles music continuing to be relevant in popular culture for going on 50 years, it’s that little ragtag bag who brought that music to a dreary place and made it special….even if it was only for the length of time it takes to walk from one corridor to another.   And for that I say BRAVO! to that merry little band whose name I do not know. You turned me from a commuter to a “Day Tripper”.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I promised you Snark Talk and my very first actual post, I’ve bombarded you with warm fuzzy sentimentality.

Suckers…

A Fistful of Snark

Patrick — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 19:05:31 +0000

Hi, I’m Patrick, host of the soon-to-launch SCREAMQUEENZ podcast.

I realize now that my personality is simply too damn vibrant to be confined just to the subject of horror movies. While I love them dearly, there is more to life than just horror movie.

Or should I say there’s more in life to make fun of than just horror movies.

So, I’ve decided to start a companion blog to the show, where I’ll be jotting down my observations about any damned thing I please; play reviews,

non-genre review, people who piss me off, what crap I’m watching on tv this week…possibly even an occasional gem of wisdom that will make your day a little brighter! Who knows?

Please fasten your seatbelts and assume the crash position, because things are going to get SNARKY!!!

ScreamQueenz: The Horror Podcast

Episode 58: THE WITCH’S TALE – “Graveyard Mansion”

Episode 57: MRS. LUMLEY’S MASKS by R.K. Kombrinck

Episode 56: SECONDS APART and FRIDAY THE 13th: THE FINAL CHAPTER

Episode 55: THREE SKELETON KEY – Old Time Radio with VINCENT PRICE

Episode 54: LOVE AT FIRST BITE and ATTACK THE BLOCK

Episode 53: CARRIE! CARRIE! CARRIE!

Episode 52: STAKE LAND and THE WOMAN IN BLACK

The Magical Music of HOMER MARRS!

Episode 51: JULIA’S EYES, GRAVE ENCOUNTERS and WARLOCK

Episode 50: THE DEVIL INSIDE, FRIDAY THE 13th PART 3 and THE FAN (1981)

The WORST MOVIES of 2011

CHAIN LETTER (2011)

SHARK NIGHT 3-D (2011)

KILL KATIE MALONE (2010)

SKULL AND BONES (2007)

THE PASSING (2011)

DON’T LOOK UP (2009)

LETHAL OBSESSION (2010)

DREAM HOUSE (2011)

CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2 (2011)

AMERICAN HORROR STORY (2011)

Episode 49: TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD at 42nd Street Drive-In!

My TOP TEN BEST MOVIE PICKS for 2011

Of course, any associated with the selected films wins an Official SCREAMQUEENZ Tiara! ***

In no particular order, my TOP TEN PICKS for 2011!

ABSENTIA (2011)

UNDOCUMENTED (2010)

DREAM HOME (2010) [aka "Wai dor lei ah yut ho"]

WAKE WOOD (2011)

INSIDIOUS (2011)

D4 (2010)

CHILLERAMA (2011)

EASTER BUNNY, KILL! KILL! (2006)

THE REEF (2010)

PUPPET MONSTER MASSACRE (2010)

Episode 48: THE SHRINE and D4

Get your copy of D4 for just $10 at www.GHOSTWATER.com!

Episode 47: HORRORHOUND WEEKEND Cincinnati

Episode 47:

Episode 46: SORRY, WRONG NUMBER

Episode 46:

Episode 45: STEAMPUNK HAUNTED HOUSE and LISTENER HAUNTS

Episode 45:

Episode 44: HALLOWEEN HAUNT-A-LICIOUSNESS

Episode 44:

DRAMAQUEENZ: Episode 1 – Special Guest Star ALENA ACKER

SCREAMQUEENZ GOES WEST: Episode 2 – “C*nt Face and Mennonites”

SCREAMQUEENZ GOES WEST: Episode 1 – “Hillbilly Heaven”

BLACKOUT HAUNTED HOUSE Teaser

Episode 43: RED STATE, UNDOCUMENTED and KILL KATIE MALONE

Episode 43:

Special Post that Describes Vote

The Voting Booths are NOW OPEN!!

SCREAMQUEENZ Nabs the Nom!!!

Episode 42: DREAM HOUSE, DREAM HOME and FRATERNITY MASSACRE

Episode 42:

Episode 41: BLACK BELLY OF THE TARANTULA

Episode 41:

HURRICANE IRENE QUICKIES: Poster Art & Trailers

Episode 40: SHARK NIGHT 3D and HURRICANE QUICKIES

Episode 40:

Episode 39: TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS and SATAN’S CHEERLEADERS

Episode 39:

This Week’s Quickie Trailers!

Zombart’s Calls about Piracy

Because you can’t make the world a creepier place if you’re in PRISON.

Click & listen to THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ZOMBART.

Episode 38: MURDER CASTLE and FEEDBACK FRENZY

Episode 38:

“Attack of the Homophobic Oranges” – An Actual Movie. Seriously.

Teeny Bopper Rock or FINAL DESTINATION 5 Teaser???

Chris’ FLESH EATING MOTHERS Review

FLESH EATING MOTHERS Review – Chris – 42nd Street Drive-In

Episode 37: FLESH EATING MOTHERS and WAKE WOOD

Episode 37:

Photos: Punchdrunk’s SLEEP NO MORE

Do yourself a favor. Click to enlarge these photos. They are all haunting, striking, beautiful and eerie.

DO IT NOW, GODDAMMIT!

Tickets available at www.SleepNoMoreNYC.com

June 11, 2011
A Killer’s on the Loose? Oh, It’s Just an Actor
By NEIL GENZLINGER

Last Chance To Get Your Tickets For NYCGMC’s Pride Concert
(Accentuate the) Positive

Episode 22: VOICEMAIL MANIA and A SPECIAL SURPRISE – Repost